914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

How to Reduce the Costs of Mediation — Part II

May 9, 2018  | 

{4:00 minutes to read}  Separating is a painful and emotionally draining process. Needlessly prolonging the process will only add to that, however, it is within your power to insure that time in the meetings is not wasted. Here are some additional steps that you can take to insure that mediation fees remain reasonable by limiting the number of sessions that are needed.

Know what mediation is all about and why you’re doing it.

When I ask clients why they have chosen mediation, some say it is because their spouse wanted to mediate. They didn’t really have any idea about the process or a strong reason to choose it.
 
If you are considering mediation but are unsure of how it works, ask for a consultation to learn about the process before you agree to mediate. For mediation to work best, there needs to be a commitment to the process from both parties, along with an acknowledgment of your motives in choosing mediation.
 
Then, if the mediation reaches an impasse, that commitment and the reason why you started the process can become the anchor that motivates you to continue. 
 

Avoid mediating past behaviors.

Mediation is not marriage counseling, nor is the mediator’s role to determine the truth of an allegation of past bad behavior on the part of your spouse. However, it is common for accusations from past behaviors to be brought up during the mediation. Sometimes that can even be helpful in terms of explaining why you are hesitant about accepting a proposal made by your spouse.
 
In general, mediating past behaviors is not helpful to the process. A better tactic would be to make a proposal that can address the behavior that you want to change. Not confident in your ability to do that? See Making Proposals by Bill Eddy.
 

Avoid sarcasm and derogatory comments.

I know how hard it can be to resist leveling that perfect sarcastic comment or insult, but I urge you to try. Rarely have I seen sarcasm or insults result in the other person agreeing to what you want. More often, I see the other person shut down.
 
If it’s just too hard for you to get through a meeting, consider talking to a divorce coach. Doing that could help you reach the outcome you seek in a more productive way. 
 

Explain yourself and have an open mind.

If you are looking for a certain outcome, be prepared to share with the other person why that outcome is so important to you. And at the same time, consider the effect that outcome may have on the other person.
 
For example, if you are proposing an amount of support to be received or paid by you, show an accurate (not inflated) budget to demonstrate why you need that amount or how much you can afford to pay.
 
If you know the other person can’t afford to accept the outcome you are looking for, be prepared to propose ways to reach that outcome. Or be open to a discussion that generates options that will work for you both. 
 

While I believe that mediation should be the first choice for a couple who is separating, I also acknowledge that it will not make the process painless or a “walk in the park.” You and your spouse can make things a bit easier on yourselves by not wasting the time spent with the mediator. 

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (141) | Divorce (132) | Separation (49) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Communication (11) | Litigation (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Conflict (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Attorney (7) | Consultation (7) | Parenting Plan (7) | Prenup (7) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Parenting (6) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Finances (4) | Family (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Marital Property (4) | Expenses (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Separate Property (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Agreement (4) | Clients (3) | Relationships (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Parent Coordinator (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Responsibility (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Negotiation (3) | Emotions (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Family Court (3) | Blended Families (3) | Compromise (3) | Listening (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Apology (2) | College Expenses (2) | Inheritance (2) | Fairness (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Estate (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Budgets (2) | Entitlement (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Pandemic (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Spouse (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Attitude (2) | Anxiety (2) | Mediate (2) | Will (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Custody (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Couples (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Bitterness (2) | Legislation (2) | Budget (2) | Agreements (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Children (2) | Change (2) | Seperation (2) | Truth (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Anger (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Step-Father (2) | Pensions (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | Thrive (1) | Impartiality (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Pension Plans (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Retirement (1) | CoParenting (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Coparenting (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | ADR (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Perspective (1) | Opposites (1) | Depression (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Empowerment (1) | Personality (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Advocacy (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | Well-being (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Transition Day (1) | An Advocate (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Eldercare (1) | Older Adults (1) | Pension (1) | Child-focused (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Expectations (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Feelings (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Languish (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Consulting (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Significant Others (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Support Connection (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Hope (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Speak Up (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Inflation (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Buyout (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Real Estate (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Concession (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Meditation (1) | Active Listening (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Disagreements (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Kindness (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Happiness (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Regrets (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Collaboration (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Being Heard (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Contentment (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | File A Petition (1) | Unmarried (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Apologizing (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Married Couples (1) | Commingling (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Fall (1) | Conflicy (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | Extremes (1) | Payments (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Intervention (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Relocation (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Balance (1) | Equality (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Abundance (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Advice (1) | Self-talk (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Affair (1) | Married (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Meditate (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | But (1) | Fiancé (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Guilt (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | MediationSession (1) | Attitudes (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Dishonest (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Spouses (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | Lawyer (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Buyer (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Seller (1) | Caucus (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.