914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Joint Decision Making

February 27, 2018  | 

{3:48 minutes to read} In New York, we refer to “joint legal custody” as joint decision making in which neither parent has a superior right to make decisions for the children. It sounds reasonable, and most parents agree to joint decision making without much thought.

But then I ask “What do you think will happen if you can’t agree upon a major decision?

A large percentage of my clients believe that they will not have any substantial conflicts in making joint parenting decisions, much as they had been doing. If clients tell me that there is a particular issue about which they believe they will be in conflict, that can be addressed in mediation and hopefully resolved.

For others, there is a concern that there will be conflict, if not on all but on some issues. If that is the case, language that simply provides “The parties agree that they shall have equal decision making and shall consult with each other in regard to all major decisions affecting the children” is not particularly helpful.

For other clients, there are no particular issues they imagine will be difficult, but they do have a history of different parenting philosophies and choices. For those clients, we discuss a process that they believe they can follow to help them make joint decisions.

First, we address what would be the major decisions upon which they will need to agree. Typically, they are all decisions affecting a child's growth and development, including:

  • Choice of school;

  • Course of study;

  • Extent of travel away from home;

  • Extracurricular activities;

  • Choice of camp;

  • Major medical treatment;

  • Lessons;

  • Psychotherapy; psychoanalysis or like treatment;

  • Part or full-time employment;

  • Purchase or operation of a motor vehicle;

  • Especially hazardous sports or activities; and

  • Decisions relating to actual or potential litigation involving a child directly or as beneficiary.

Each family has different concerns, and some other topics that are added to joint decisions specifically are camping, age at which a child may be left alone, and social media use.

So, what can a couple do if they have conflict in joint decision making after they sign the agreement?

First, of course, they engage in meaningful discussion about the issue. If that does not resolve the conflict, a structure that many couples choose as being the most likely to resolve the issue with the least amount of discord is this:

1. Seek the input of a professional who has expertise in the area of conflict;
2. Seek the use of a child specialist or a co-parenting coach; (How Can a Child Specialist Help)       
3. Engage in mediation, possibly including a child inclusive or a child-focused process; and, as a last resort,
4. A court process. 

 

Typically, the painful and challenging emotions that exist during the mediation of the separation will have eased somewhat over time. Most parents are then able to resolve joint decisions even if they have conflict. But if they can’t, having a process to follow is helpful. 

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (141) | Divorce (132) | Separation (49) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Communication (11) | Litigation (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Conflict (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Attorney (7) | Consultation (7) | Parenting Plan (7) | Prenup (7) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Parenting (6) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Finances (4) | Family (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Marital Property (4) | Expenses (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Separate Property (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Agreement (4) | Clients (3) | Relationships (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Parent Coordinator (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Responsibility (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Negotiation (3) | Emotions (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Family Court (3) | Blended Families (3) | Compromise (3) | Listening (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Apology (2) | College Expenses (2) | Inheritance (2) | Fairness (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Estate (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Budgets (2) | Entitlement (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Pandemic (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Spouse (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Attitude (2) | Anxiety (2) | Mediate (2) | Will (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Custody (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Couples (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Bitterness (2) | Legislation (2) | Budget (2) | Agreements (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Children (2) | Change (2) | Seperation (2) | Truth (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Anger (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Step-Father (2) | Pensions (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | Thrive (1) | Impartiality (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Pension Plans (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Retirement (1) | CoParenting (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Coparenting (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | ADR (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Perspective (1) | Opposites (1) | Depression (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Empowerment (1) | Personality (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Advocacy (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | Well-being (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Transition Day (1) | An Advocate (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Eldercare (1) | Older Adults (1) | Pension (1) | Child-focused (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Expectations (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Feelings (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Languish (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Consulting (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Significant Others (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Support Connection (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Hope (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Speak Up (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Inflation (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Buyout (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Real Estate (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Concession (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Meditation (1) | Active Listening (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Disagreements (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Kindness (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Happiness (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Regrets (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Collaboration (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Being Heard (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Contentment (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | File A Petition (1) | Unmarried (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Apologizing (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Married Couples (1) | Commingling (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Fall (1) | Conflicy (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | Extremes (1) | Payments (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Intervention (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Relocation (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Balance (1) | Equality (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Abundance (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Advice (1) | Self-talk (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Affair (1) | Married (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Meditate (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | But (1) | Fiancé (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Guilt (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | MediationSession (1) | Attitudes (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Dishonest (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Spouses (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | Lawyer (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Buyer (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Seller (1) | Caucus (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.