914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Listening Is More Important Than Ever

May 20, 2020  | 

{3 minutes to read} As a divorce mediator, it’s not surprising that I work with many couples who experience a lack of communication. Since that lack of communication is now being coupled with spending an inordinate amount of time with your spouse during the pandemic, you may consider this an opportunity to improve your communication.

In Listening During a Pandemic, Kate Murphy writes that while a pandemic has the likelihood of causing an increase in divorce, it can also bring a couple together.

Ms. Murphy writes that given the stress of the times, and possibly the stress of an unhappy relationship, the failure to listen only serves to aggravate the negativity at a time when you need the other party the most. Instead, she suggests:

  • Listening to the other person can not only help you understand them but also to recognize when you may need to give them some space. 
  • Asking questions about what or why the other likes something shows that you are interested in what they have to say, and answers lead to more questions, which lead to more answers and understanding.
  • Pose a hypothetical question like “If you could time travel, where would you go?” These questions can stir the imagination and open a window into someone’s thoughts in ways you may have never considered.
  • Since this is more of a listening than a speaking event, try to refrain from making the conversation about you or giving advice. Keep in mind that most people just want to be heard, understood, and accepted, especially when there are no answers to their concerns or issues.

I often write about the need to be heard and understood in the context of a divorcing couple and work in mediation to ensure that each party listens to the other in our meetings. It can be painfully apparent that a couple has long ceased listening to one another, and possibly, even talking to each other about something besides the mechanics of sharing a household or children. What begins with a lack of communication can lead to either conflict or just retreating even further into yourselves.

If you find yourself in this situation, and you’re both willing to do so, you can try some active listening skills as those proposed by Ms. Murphy. If you feel you need more, you can seek couples counseling which can be done online.

Even if you ultimately decide to separate, learning communication skills will help in reaching terms of a settlement as well as parenting after you separate. 

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments
Search
Topics
Mediation (117) | Divorce (108) | Separation (25) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Litigation (11) | Communication (10) | Conflict (10) | Child Support (10) | Separation Agreement (9) | Consultation (7) | Co-Parenting (7) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Parenting (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Assets (5) | Parenting Plan (5) | Children (5) | Marital Home (5) | Expenses (4) | Agreement (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Separate Property (4) | Family (4) | CSSA (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Finances (4) | Clients (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Listening (3) | Emotions (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Relationships (3) | Family Court (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Marital Property (3) | Responsibility (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Child Support Standards Act (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Grace (2) | College Expenses (2) | Inheritance (2) | Apology (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Step-Father (2) | Humanity (2) | Anger (2) | Bitterness (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | Mediate (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Anxiety (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Blended Families (2) | Step-Children (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Spouse (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Pandemic (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Attitude (2) | Truth (2) | Couples (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Seperation (2) | Budget (2) | Agreements (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Estate (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Budgets (2) | Will (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Compromise (2) | Mediating Emails (1) | Feelings (1) | Intention (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Thrive (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Depression (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Languish (1) | Transition Day (1) | Caucus (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | Separating (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | An Advocate (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Retirement (1) | Guilt (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Expectations (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Heard (1) | Understood (1) | Older Parents (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Pension Plans (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Pensions (1) | Being Heard (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Support Connection (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Support (1) | Collaboration (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Hope (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Parent Coordinator (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Buyout (1) | Inflation (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Real Estate (1) | Selling The Marital Home (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Postnup (1) | Meditation (1) | Fairness (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Consulting (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Contentment (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Opposites (1) | ADR (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Coparenting (1) | Perspective (1) | Personality (1) | Pension (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Advocacy (1) | Empowerment (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | CoParenting (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Happiness (1) | Beliefs (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Kindness (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Disagreements (1) | Ideas (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | COVID19 (1) | Fall (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Extremes (1) | Conflicy (1) | College (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Contribution (1) | Nesting (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Compassion (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Abundance (1) | Grandparents (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Relocation (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Halloween (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Change (1) | Self-determination (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Self-talk (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Advice (1) | Self Determination (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Equality (1) | Balance (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Joint Account (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Court Order (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Negotiation (1) | Entitlement (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Lawyer (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Buyer (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Apologizing (1) | But (1) | Fiancé (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Seller (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Wife (1) | Spouses (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Spousal Support (1) | Dishonest (1) | Work Stress (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Buyout Options (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

In response to COVID-19 I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.