914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Details Can Help When You Have Serious Conflict

September 15, 2022  | 

{3 minutes to read} If you and your spouse have a lot of conflict between you, you're going to want to have as much detail as possible in your parenting agreement. Here are a few tips that can help you to achieve that during your mediation. 

1. Speak Up. 
 
Clearly, your mediator is going to be aware of the level of conflict between the two of you and will raise the issues that are most commonly addressed in Separation Agreements in terms of parenting plan details. They may not, however, get into the exact detail that you feel is most important based upon your particular circumstances. So, if there's something that your mediator doesn't raise and you want more detail about that certain issue, bring it up in the mediation.  
 
2. Be Mindful of How You Raise the Issue.  
 
You don't want to do anything that's going to immediately put your spouse on the defensive, so try to be as objective as possible. For example, when you’re trying to make a decision that affects the children, let's say that your spouse just keeps repeating the same things over and over and that really annoys you. Instead of saying “it drives me crazy when you just keep talking and talking and saying nothing new,” you can say that you want to talk about making sure that your discussions are focused and productive. That will then lead to a discussion in mediation about how much time we will spend on a decision before moving on to another step such as consulting with a professional with expertise about the issue in question. 
 
3. If You're Trying to Minimize the Conflict Between the Two of You, Look Inward.  
 
You may be the source of that conflict, as well. If there's something that you do that you know, really causes annoyance to your spouse, bring it up. Let's say your spouse is annoyed because you don't respond to a text or email as quickly as they would like. Ask if you can discuss and determine a reasonable time frame to respond to a non-emergency text. Then you can actually put language in that spells out how long you have to respond to a text. Your spouse will know that you have that time and not get annoyed, and you don’t have to feel like it will be an argument if you can’t answer a text immediately. 
 

No level of detail in your agreement can ensure that you will avoid each and every conflict going forward but whatever easing of conflict that you can achieve through more detail in your parenting plan would be a help.


Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (128) | Divorce (119) | Separation (36) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Communication (10) | Conflict (10) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Co-Parenting (7) | Consultation (7) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Parenting (6) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Parenting Plan (5) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Agreement (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Family (4) | Finances (4) | Settlement (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Expenses (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Separate Property (4) | Relationships (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Emotions (3) | Listening (3) | Family Court (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Blended Families (3) | Responsibility (3) | Clients (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Marital Property (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Negotiation (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Spouse (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Attitude (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Step-Father (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Apology (2) | College Expenses (2) | Step-Children (2) | Will (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Grace (2) | Bitterness (2) | Entitlement (2) | Budgets (2) | Anger (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Pandemic (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Law Professionals (2) | Mediate (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Inheritance (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Anxiety (2) | CDFA (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Humanity (2) | Agreements (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Truth (2) | Budget (2) | Compromise (2) | Couples (2) | Seperation (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Estate (2) | Mediating Emails (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Communicating (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Concession (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Depression (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Legal Rights (1) | CoParenting (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Advocacy (1) | Empowerment (1) | Active Listening (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Pensions (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Languish (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Thrive (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Retirement (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Transition Day (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Significant Others (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Separating (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Eldercare (1) | Older Adults (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Custody Determination (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Speak Up (1) | Expectations (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Real Estate (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Collaboration (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Inflation (1) | Buyout (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Being Understood (1) | Commitment (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Postnup (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Consulting (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Support (1) | Hope (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Support Connection (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Fairness (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Meditation (1) | Parent Coordinator (1) | Contentment (1) | Pension (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | ADR (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Coparenting (1) | Perspective (1) | Opposites (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Disagreements (1) | Kindness (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Happiness (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Guilt (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Personality (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Married Couples (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Contribution (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Husband (1) | Wife (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Joint Account (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Advice (1) | Blame (1) | Specialist (1) | Dogs (1) | Mental Health (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Relocation (1) | Change (1) | New York State (1) | Control (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Equality (1) | Balance (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Living Together (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Conflicy (1) | Payments (1) | Extremes (1) | Fall (1) | Marriage (1) | House (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Abundance (1) | Resolution (1) | Equity (1) | Scarcity (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | But (1) | Fiancé (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Apologizing (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Significant Other (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | Attitudes (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Dishonest (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Spouses (1) | Work Stress (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Time To Process (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Seller (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Refinance (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Buyer (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Power Of Regret (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.