914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

5 Common Myths about Mediation

February 2, 2015  | 
Though mediation is a less contentious way to divorce, there are still some myths that keep people from taking advantage of the process. Here are 5 of the most common ones:

1.  Only people who agree on terms of settlement can mediate.
 
If that were true, there would be no need to mediate, and they could just enter into a settlement agreement. Of course, people who disagree can mediate, just like people who are angry can mediate and people who don’t really like each other can mediate.
 
The only agreement that both parties must make before starting mediation is to mediate. The mediator’s job is to facilitate the couple’s discussion so that each spouse is heard and understood, and the discussion is focused on resolutions that will satisfy each party’s interests.
 
2.  A couple can only mediate if they have equal power.
 
In a marriage, it is rare that both spouses have equal advocacy skills. In mediation, though, a party who needs help to advocate or make good decisions can get that help, be it from a lawyer, financial person or divorce coach.
 
If someone is lacking the capacity to advocate as a result of substance abuse or domestic violence, then only mediators with special training should undertake those matters, if at all.
 
3.  People who mediate don’t use lawyers, so their agreements are unfair.
 
First of all, the use of an attorney does not guarantee that an agreement is fair to both parties, nor for that matter, is a court determination always fair. To the contrary, in mediation, the parties are in control of all decisions that go into the final agreement. They make those decisions based upon a number of considerations, including their own ideas of fairness, the law, what works best for them and their family and how their decisions are likely to affect them in the future. Further, parties in mediation are encouraged to seek the advice of an attorney and many do, in fact, see an attorney at the conclusion of the mediation, to review their settlement agreement.
 
4.  Mediation ignores the law so agreements will not be upheld.
 
Mediators provide legal information (not legal advice) to the parties, so the parties are aware of the law. It is then up to the parties to decide whether or not they want to apply the law or waive it. A knowing waiver of the law, such as a waiver of the Child Support Standards Act, will be upheld provided that the parties clearly understand what the law provides. 
 
5. Only people with few assets and low income can mediate.
 
This is simply not true. Many high-income, high-asset cases mediate for the very reasons that anyone wants to mediate – it is a process in which you work with your spouse and not against your spouse to resolve your issues in a way that is least harmful to the family; it is private; it is less costly; and it typically takes much less time than an adversarial process..
 

Confused about whether you should mediate or not? Please give us a call or leave a comment in the box below. We would be happy to answer your questions.

Comments from Social Media

"Excellent article, but I would emphasize that they should be "mediation-friendly attorneys."

Mark B. Baer

_________________________________________________________

Clare thank you for writing this! It is concise and well written. I will hope to post this information very soon

Denise Coggiola

_________________________________________________________

Bravo, Claire! I would add some of the "Pros" for choosing mediation: 1. It is a confidential settlement arrived out of court, not by a "stranger in the black robe" 2. A mediated MSA has mutually agreed upon decisions by both parties, following informed consent re their options. 3. Mediated agreements are more likely to be followed and stand the test of time, as opposed to litigated agreements that often require repeated visits to the courtroom for modification. 4. For families with children, the mediation process teaches co-parents how to successfully co-parent into the future, rather than continuing ti pull on opposite ends of the rope. Parties are taught "new scripts" to enhance their communication process, thus ensuring their children will not become collateral damage of the divorce battlefield.

Jann Glasser

_________________________________________________________

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments
Maryann M
March 10, 2015 - 12:17 PM
Thank you for clarifying where mediation works with the law. After reading this post I could not imagine not going to mediation. Divorce is devastating but mediation is the perfect way to communicate without the harshness of lawyers just wanting a "win." Mediation is win-win for everyone. Thank you for another enlightening article.

Search
Topics
Mediation (128) | Divorce (119) | Separation (36) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Communication (10) | Conflict (10) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Co-Parenting (7) | Consultation (7) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Parenting (6) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Parenting Plan (5) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Agreement (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Family (4) | Finances (4) | Settlement (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Expenses (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Separate Property (4) | Relationships (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Emotions (3) | Listening (3) | Family Court (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Blended Families (3) | Responsibility (3) | Clients (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Marital Property (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Negotiation (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Spouse (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Attitude (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Step-Father (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Apology (2) | College Expenses (2) | Step-Children (2) | Will (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Grace (2) | Bitterness (2) | Entitlement (2) | Budgets (2) | Anger (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Pandemic (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Law Professionals (2) | Mediate (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Inheritance (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Anxiety (2) | CDFA (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Humanity (2) | Agreements (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Truth (2) | Budget (2) | Compromise (2) | Couples (2) | Seperation (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Estate (2) | Mediating Emails (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Communicating (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Concession (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Depression (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Legal Rights (1) | CoParenting (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Advocacy (1) | Empowerment (1) | Active Listening (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Pensions (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Languish (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Thrive (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Retirement (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Transition Day (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Significant Others (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Separating (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Eldercare (1) | Older Adults (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Custody Determination (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Speak Up (1) | Expectations (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Real Estate (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Collaboration (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Inflation (1) | Buyout (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Being Understood (1) | Commitment (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Postnup (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Consulting (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Support (1) | Hope (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Support Connection (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Fairness (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Meditation (1) | Parent Coordinator (1) | Contentment (1) | Pension (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | ADR (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Coparenting (1) | Perspective (1) | Opposites (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Disagreements (1) | Kindness (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Happiness (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Guilt (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Personality (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Married Couples (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Contribution (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Husband (1) | Wife (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Joint Account (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Advice (1) | Blame (1) | Specialist (1) | Dogs (1) | Mental Health (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Relocation (1) | Change (1) | New York State (1) | Control (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Equality (1) | Balance (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Living Together (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Conflicy (1) | Payments (1) | Extremes (1) | Fall (1) | Marriage (1) | House (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Abundance (1) | Resolution (1) | Equity (1) | Scarcity (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | But (1) | Fiancé (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Apologizing (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Significant Other (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | Attitudes (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Dishonest (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Spouses (1) | Work Stress (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Time To Process (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Seller (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Refinance (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Buyer (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Power Of Regret (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.