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Divorce and family mediation news, insights and experiences.
Latest Posts
Child Inclusive Mediation
Consulting & Review Attorney
Divorce Mediation
Elder Care Mediation
Family Mediation
Prenuptial Agreements
Aug 21, 2024
Managing Child Support with Fluctuating Yearly Bonuses [VIDEO]
How do you handle child support in cases where employment bonuses vary significantly from year to year? By creating accurate...
Aug 07, 2024
Child Support Modifications: Planning Ahead in Your Separation Agreement [VIDEO]
There is a statute in New York that allows you to file a petition in court to modify your child...
Jul 31, 2024
Co-Parenting and IEP: How Mediation Can Help [VIDEO]
Mediation can help resolve co-parenting conflicts, especially those involving individualized education plans (IEP). Mediation can assist you in reaching...
Jul 24, 2024
Co-Parenting and IEP: How Mediation Can Help [VIDEO]
Mediation can help resolve co-parenting conflicts, especially those involving individualized education plans (IEP). Mediation can assist you in reaching...
Jul 11, 2024
Moving Forward: Ending a Marriage is Not a Failure [VIDEO]
There is a common misconception that ending a marriage signifies failure. From her extensive experience with clients and friends,...
Jun 24, 2024
Taking a Break [VIDEO]
In my latest video, I discuss the surprising benefits of taking a deliberate break during divorce mediation. From emotional...
Jun 05, 2024
Finding Equitable Solutions Through Divorce Mediation [VIDEO]
How can considerable separate assets owned by one spouse impact the equitable distribution of marital property? In mediation, it's...
May 15, 2024
Nah, I Don’t Really Like that Mediator [VIDEO]
Clare Piro, a family and divorce mediator and attorney, advises against pressuring a spouse into choosing a mediator they...
Apr 17, 2024
Prioritizing Child-Focused Parenting Plans Over Labels [VIDEO]
Clare Piro, a family and divorce mediator and attorney, emphasizes the importance of creating a child-focused parenting plan rather...
Mar 27, 2024
Objective Standards in Divorce Mediation [VIDEO]
In this video, Clare introduces the idea of using objective standards to evaluate a separation agreement, especially when spouses...
Mar 14, 2024
The Importance of Subjectivity and Impartiality [VIDEO]
In this video, Clare discusses why, even when asked, she refrains from providing a subjective judgment on whether a...
Feb 28, 2024
Changing the Holiday Co-Parenting Schedule [VIDEO]
The Greek philosopher Heraclitus is credited with the idea that the only constant in life is change. Or to put...
Feb 07, 2024
Should a Short-Term Marriage be Mediated or Litigated? [VIDEO]
Most divorces involve long-term marriages where there are many assets and possibly children to be considered. But what about...
Jan 24, 2024
When Difficulties in Implementing Your Parenting Plan Arise . . . [VIDEO]
If you're concerned that you and your co-parent will have some difficulty in implementing the terms of your parenting plan,...
Jan 08, 2024
Looking Forward and Back in this New Year 2024 [VIDEO]
In this video, I reflect on the end of the year, sharing my unique approach to the New Year....
Dec 13, 2023
Living Separately but Not Legally Separated? Is There a Problem?
Although living separately without a legal agreement may seem easier than going through a divorce, two major pitfalls can...
Nov 29, 2023
Any Regrets? [VIDEO]
We all have regrets — words and actions we would like to take back, but can’t. However, this blog...
Nov 15, 2023
Should Your Review Attorney be Mediation-Friendly? [VIDEO]
It is usually a wise practice to have an attorney review the separation agreement worked out during the mediation...
Oct 25, 2023
Can You Mediate Your Divorce if You Don’t Trust Your Spouse Because of Infidelity? [VIDEO]
The past couple of videos have dealt with mediating your divorce if there are trust issues with your spouse. The...
Oct 11, 2023
Is Your Lack of Trust in Your Spouse Due to Financial Impropriety? [VIDEO]
In my last video, we explored the viability of mediating if you can not trust your spouse. In this...
Sep 27, 2023
If You No Longer Trust Your Spouse Can You Mediate Your Divorce? [VIDEO]
You would think that a lack of trust would definitely make your mediation really tough, if not impossible, but...
Sep 19, 2023
Why Pay More For Spousal Support Than You Have To? [VIDEO]
Pay maintenance in a very short-term marriage? Pay the same amount of maintenance even when income is decreased? Pay...
Aug 23, 2023
Introducing Your Significant Other [VIDEO]
As a significant other who went through the process of being introduced to my husband’s family, I feel I...
Aug 08, 2023
In Mediation, Can I Reach Out to the Mediator Individually? [VIDEO]
There are times in mediation when you may want to speak with the mediator about an issue like the...
Jul 26, 2023
If You Have Any Concerns, Speak Up! [VIDEO]
Are you feeling like something is a little off in your mediation? This video advises you to bring it...
Jul 13, 2023
Selling Your Home When Divorcing [VIDEO]
Having very different ideas about the value of your home can create difficulties when you try to sell. Including...
Jun 21, 2023
Jointly Owning Your Home After Your Divorce [VIDEO]
If you're talking about jointly owning your home after your divorce, you want to factor into your agreement a...
Jun 07, 2023
Can Support Have a Purpose Beyond Meeting Basic Needs? [VIDEO]
A couple of topics came up in a peer group that I run for divorce mediators that took the discussion...
May 17, 2023
Unrealistic Expectations about Mediation [VIDEO]
Have you spent time thinking about mediation and what it will be like? Are you concerned that mediation may...
May 03, 2023
Parties Make Decisions But Maybe Shouldn’t Draft Agreements [VIDEO]
There has been lots of noise on the internet lately about drafting your own separation agreement. Some couples have...
May 01, 2023
There Are Many Motives for Making Decisions. Guilt Can Be a Powerful One [VIDEO]
In this video, I address whether guilt belongs in divorce mediation. Consider several factors: thoroughly evaluating the agreement and...
Apr 13, 2023
What is a Focus on Entitlement Masking in a Mediation? [VIDEO]
If one party doesn't believe they are receiving what they're entitled to and the other party doesn’t agree to...
Mar 20, 2023
What to Do When You Can’t Do a Buyout [VIDEO]
The previous article in this series looked at how a partial buyout might help resolve the issue of today’s...
Mar 07, 2023
Would a Partial Buyout Work for Your Divorce? [VIDEO]
My last article spoke about how high mortgage interest rates could complicate a buyout in your divorce mediation. In...
Feb 22, 2023
Are High-Interest Rates Complicating Your Divorce Mediation? [VIDEO]
This article is the beginning of a series about the disposition of the marital home for couples with children. When...
Feb 08, 2023
Can Meditation Help You Navigate Through Your Divorce? [VIDEO]
Going through a divorce isn’t an easy thing and there are times when you can’t sleep worrying about it....
Jan 25, 2023
Stay in Mediation and Make Decisions Yourself [VIDEO]
I had a couple who came to mediation from family court. They worked through all the issues of their...
Jan 10, 2023
Are You Harder on Yourself Than You Are on Anyone Else? [VIDEO]
Do you find yourself using a very negative voice that speaks to you in a way that you would...
Dec 13, 2022
Is It Fair to Ask Your Fiancé to Sign a Prenup Before You Get Married? [VIDEO]
A prenuptial agreement isn't in itself fair or unfair — It depends on what the terms are. There are...
Nov 16, 2022
A Marital Property Definition in a Prenup is Important [VIDEO]
No couple gets married expecting to be divorced, but when creating a prenuptial agreement most couples decide to include...
Nov 01, 2022
Feeling Scared, Anxious, and Not in Control? It Is Halloween, After All. [VIDEO]
It’s that time of year when ghosts and goblins abound, scaring the kids and sometimes the adults as well....
Oct 13, 2022
A Prenup Can Ensure the Provisions of Your Will Are Observed [VIDEO]
In New York, there is a statute that gives a surviving spouse the right to elect against the Will...
Sep 28, 2022
Why Sign a Prenup Before You Marry? [VIDEO]
Prenups get a bad rap, but there are times when they may be appropriate. This video looks at some...
Sep 15, 2022
Details Can Help When You Have Serious Conflict
{3 minutes to read} If you and your spouse have a lot of conflict between you, you're going to want...
Aug 10, 2022
What is a Sunset Clause and Do You Want One in Your Prenup? [VIDEO]
So, what is a sunset clause? By definition, it means that after a defined period of time, the clause...
Jul 13, 2022
Problems With Joint Decisions? Not Us. [VIDEO]
Sometimes there isn’t a lot of conflict between you and your spouse, and you feel that you won’t have any...
Jun 24, 2022
A Spirit of Hope — Support Connection [VIDEO]
This video is about hope and the support that my friend Julie received from the group Support Connection, prior...
Jun 08, 2022
Three Commonalities of a Successful Divorce Mediation [VIDEO]
In a recent video, available on my website, I described what, in addition to having a signed separation agreement,...
May 24, 2022
What Percentage of Divorce Mediations are Successful? [VIDEO]
As is often the answer to questions like this, it depends. In this case, however, the answer may depend...
May 04, 2022
A Cohabitation Agreement — Do We Really Need It? [VIDEO]
While marriage is the usual path when two people are in love and want to live together, some couples...
Apr 20, 2022
Can a Parent Coordinator Help You?
{3 minutes to read} When I meet with clients who will have difficulty in making joint decisions about their children...
Apr 06, 2022
Right or Happy? Which Would You Like to Be? [VIDEO]
I remember when I used to represent clients in adversarial settings long ago, I would have some clients who...
Mar 15, 2022
Taking the First Step in Mediation — the Consultation [VIDEO]
In a matrimonial consultation, the attorney will give a lot of legal advice and information in a very lengthy meeting....
Mar 03, 2022
An Example of Grace in Mediation [VIDEO]
After my last video on grace, a colleague asked if I had any examples of parties showing grace in mediation....
Feb 16, 2022
Let’s Treat One Another With Grace and Humanity [VIDEO]
I became intrigued with the idea of grace after hearing an interview with Kirsten Powers about her book Saving...
Feb 02, 2022
How Long Will Your Divorce Take? [VIDEO]
No one can tell you how long your divorce will take. If you are litigating, you are at the mercy...
Jan 19, 2022
What Are Child Support Add-Ons and How Do Parents Share Them? [VIDEO]
The term Add-On describes expenses that are in addition to the standard child support expenses. There are mandatory add-ons...
Jan 07, 2022
Determining Income Level for Child Support When Income is Not Consistent [VIDEO]
When divorcing, determining the income base for child support can be tricky, especially if your income changes from year...
Dec 16, 2021
How to Divide a Pension in Mediation
{4 minutes to read} The most typical way a pension is divided would be through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order...
Dec 02, 2021
Family Court Mediation [VIDEO]
Family Court Mediation is a topic I’ve never spoken about, but I have been working with clients in Family...
Nov 18, 2021
When Opposites Divorce? [VIDEO]
Couples with opposite personality traits may thrive as one’s style is countered by the opposite style. When they divorce,...
Oct 29, 2021
Navigating a Separate Property Credit in a Divorce [VIDEO]
If one party takes their separate property and puts it toward a jointly owned home, they may be entitled,...
Oct 11, 2021
Is Your Consulting Attorney a Mediation Proponent? [VIDEO]
When you involve a consulting attorney, you want one who is a proponent of mediation. One who will help...
Sep 24, 2021
Trouble Making Decisions With Your Co-Parent? [VIDEO]
You're going through a separation and your communication with your co-parent is awful. You fight about everything. You're wondering:...
Aug 26, 2021
Feeling Vulnerable When Mediating? Professionals Can Help [VIDEO]
If your spouse has some financial or legal knowledge that you don't, you may feel at a disadvantage in...
Aug 12, 2021
Is Your Child Expecting a Drama-Free Wedding? [VIDEO]
There are many special occasions to share in your life and the lives of your children. When divorcing, however,...
Jul 16, 2021
Enabling the Pension Discussion [VIDEO]
Strong emotions can arise when you are talking about distributing a pension. By explaining why each of you feels...
Jun 30, 2021
Is the Pension Asset Treated Differently in a Divorce? [VIDEO]
To the extent that your pension was accumulated during the marriage, it would be treated like any other assets...
Jun 09, 2021
Are You Languishing? [VIDEO]
Since I recorded this video two weeks ago and now at posting, NY is opening up! Despite this great...
May 18, 2021
Postnuptial Agreements
{3 minutes to read} The idea of a prenuptial agreement is familiar to most people — an agreement that a...
Apr 30, 2021
Why You Still Need Mediation Even If You Settled Everything
{4 minutes to read} I often receive phone calls from potential clients telling me that they have settled everything and...
Apr 07, 2021
Mediating via Emails
{3 minutes to read} I understand that there are some mediators in favor of mediation via email. Those that I...
Mar 24, 2021
Child Inclusive Mediation — The Parenting Plan [VIDEO]
My previous two videos on Child Inclusive Mediation discussed the child interview and the parent meeting. In this video, we...
Feb 19, 2021
Child Inclusive Mediation — The Parent Meeting [VIDEO]
In this video, we discuss the step when the child consultant comes into the mediation and speaks to the...
Feb 02, 2021
Child Inclusive Mediation — The Child Interview [VIDEO]
You probably haven't heard about Child Inclusive Mediation because it's not that prevalent in the United States. In Australia,...
Jan 24, 2021
When Difficulties in Implementing Your Parenting Plan Arise . . . [VIDEO]
If you're concerned that you and your co-parent will have some difficulty in implementing the terms of your parenting plan,...
Jan 15, 2021
Setting Intentions for 2021
{2 minutes to read} Like everyone else in the world, I looked forward to 2021 and the opportunity to put...
Dec 03, 2020
Understanding As a First Step
{4 minutes to read} The other day a friend told me about a conflict she was having with another person...
Nov 11, 2020
How Anxious Thoughts Can Hijack a Mediation
{4 minutes to read} I recently attended a virtual lecture presented by Maryellen Dance, LMHC from Rochester, NY, focusing on...
Oct 30, 2020
Elder Mediation [VIDEO]
If you find yourself in the situation with your parent needing to leave their home because you think it's not...
Oct 14, 2020
What Goes Into a Best Interests of the Child Determination?
{4 minutes to read} When I’m working with parents and we are discussing what each proposes for a parenting plan,...
Sep 30, 2020
When Budgets Are Not Optional
{3 minutes to read} I know that it has been a constant refrain of mine that budgets are vital in...
Sep 16, 2020
Do I Want a Financial Professional Who is a Neutral or an Advocate?
{3 minutes to read} In an earlier post, I described the benefits of using a financial professional who acts as...
Aug 26, 2020
The “Substantially Equal” Parenting Plan [VIDEO]
When divorcing, some couples become somewhat obsessed about splitting everything evenly. When it comes to the kids, a 50/50...
Aug 12, 2020
Equal Parenting — Part 2
{3 minutes to read} Now that you have decided on the access schedule you will use in your equal parenting...
Jul 30, 2020
So, You’ve Agreed Upon 50/50 Parenting — Part I
{3 minutes to read} Reaching the agreement that you both want to share substantially equal time with your children is...
Jul 16, 2020
Things to Be Aware of When Mediating Online
{3 minutes to read} Since New York on PAUSE went into effect, parties have been mediating virtually — either online...
Jun 30, 2020
Divorce: Planning for Sharing Holidays [VIDEO]
Though the end of year holidays may be long over when this video is published, those holidays prompted my...
Jun 03, 2020
Don’t Underestimate the Power of Regret
{3 minutes to read} I recently read an article in the New York Times by Dhruv Khullar, MD, in which...
May 20, 2020
Listening Is More Important Than Ever
{3 minutes to read} As a divorce mediator, it’s not surprising that I work with many couples who experience a...
May 05, 2020
Opportunity in Crisis [VIDEO]
{3 minutes to read and listen} It’s nearly impossible to consider any kind of opportunity that could exist during this...
Apr 21, 2020
Co-Parenting During COVID-19
{4 minutes to read} As I’m writing this on March 30, 2020, the Courts in New York State are open...
Apr 02, 2020
Maintaining Calm in the Midst of the Chaos
{7 minutes to read} As is the same for all of us now, we are struggling to maintain a sense...
Mar 25, 2020
Dispelling Mediation Misconceptions [VIDEO]
Mediation may not be appropriate for everybody but could be the right process for you. Unfortunately, many people dismiss it...
Mar 13, 2020
Mediating Trusts and Estate Disputes
{4 minutes to read} Are all family disputes the same? Of course not. Divorce mediation is different from mediation involving...
Feb 20, 2020
Equitable Distribution: How It Works In Mediation [VIDEO]
In this video, the last of the series on Equitable Distribution, we look at the implications of the statute to...
Feb 05, 2020
Equitable Distribution — What is Marital Property? [VIDEO]
In my last video, I mentioned marital property as a part of the discussion of Equitable Distribution. In this...
Jan 22, 2020
Equitable Distribution — What Is Equitable? [VIDEO]
There are 14 factors that are used by courts and attorneys to determine an equitable distribution of marital assets. In...
Jan 08, 2020
But….
{4 minutes to read} When I’m being mindful of what I’m saying, I can stop myself from using the word...
Dec 10, 2019
Why Working With a Financial Neutral Can Help Your Mediation
{4 minutes to read} In other posts, I’ve often touted the benefits of working with a financial professional, either together...
Nov 26, 2019
Why You Should Mediate Your Prenuptial Agreement
{4 minutes to read} You and your fiancé have discussed the terms that you would want in your prenuptial agreement....
Nov 13, 2019
Don’t Be Afraid of a Prenup [VIDEO]
Prenups illicit very negative reactions, but there are a lot of valid reasons why someone would want a prenup...
Oct 29, 2019
I Just Want What I Am Entitled To! [VIDEO]
To find out what you’re entitled to, you need to go to court. But going to court does not...
Sep 25, 2019
More Reasons Why You Should Mediate
{4 minutes to read} At a recent conference for divorce and family mediators that I attended, I heard a panel...
Sep 11, 2019
Preparing for the Initial Mediation Meeting
{3:30 minutes to read} Both the clients and the mediator want to be sure that the first meeting is productive,...
Aug 07, 2019
Acknowledging the Fear of Separation
{3:30 minutes to read} Separating from someone you’ve loved, trusted, and who, most likely, was your best friend, is an...
Jul 24, 2019
What If Your Spouse Doesn’t Want to Separate [VIDEO]
In my practice, I have found that one spouse is often prepared to move forward with a divorce, while...
Jul 19, 2019
Why I Do What I Do [VIDEO ]
Jul 10, 2019
Distribution of Your Home: The Options
{3:30 minutes to read} In my last video, I promised some creative win/win options that you could take when it...
Jun 19, 2019
In Spite of Emotional Attachment, Your House Is Just an Asset in Divorce [VIDEO]
If you're going through a divorce and you own your home, that home is going to be looked at...
Jun 05, 2019
The Double Edged Sword of Taking Responsibility
{3:30 minutes to read} In a previous post, I wrote about the enormous impact that a sincere apology could have...
May 14, 2019
The Beauty of Blended Families [VIDEO]
One of the aspects of divorce is the creation of “blended families” when there is remarriage afterwards that includes...
May 01, 2019
Building in Modifications to Child Support
{3:00 minutes to read} One of the things you will be asked to address in mediation is what, if any,...
Apr 23, 2019
Bring a Lawyer to Mediation? [VIDEO]
In the past, as a lawyer it was very uncommon for me to either attend a mediation with a...
Apr 03, 2019
The Diametric View of Attorney vs Mediator
{3:30 minutes to read} There are two diametrically opposed views as to the value of an attorney versus a mediator....
Mar 20, 2019
Striving for Perfection
{3:00 minutes to read} I’m writing this after a particularly stressful December. I anticipated that the rush to complete separation...
Mar 12, 2019
The Impact of Little White Lies
{4:00 minutes to read} In his book Lying, Sam Harris explains how a seminar he took as an undergraduate led...
Feb 19, 2019
The Consequences of Blame in Mediation
{3:00 minutes to read} In many cases, clients decide to separate as a mutual decision and come to mediation without...
Feb 05, 2019
Bankruptcy and Mediation
{3:30 minutes to read} My knowledge of bankruptcy law is based upon what I learned in law school a very...
Jan 23, 2019
Mediate First
{3:30 minutes to read} It is likely that mediation can result in a negotiated agreement even if you mediate after...
Dec 19, 2018
What Understanding Can Do
{3:30 minutes to read} I had a meeting recently with a couple, and when they left, I felt sure they...
Nov 30, 2018
Be Careful What You Wish For
{3:00 minutes to read} It’s an admonition that many a Hallmark holiday movie has been based upon --- "Be Careful...
Nov 20, 2018
Insuring That Your Children Have the Support They Need — Part Two
{3:00 minutes to read} In the last post, I addressed the designation of beneficiaries of your life insurance in order...
Oct 26, 2018
Insuring That Your Children Have the Support They Need — Part I
{4:00 minutes to read} Life insurance is not a topic most people are eager to speak about, let alone if...
Sep 28, 2018
When You Are Going Through Divorce Mediation, Critics Abound!
{3:40 minutes to read} There is a mindfulness meditation that I enjoy doing that focuses on the inner critic we...
Sep 20, 2018
When Settling Can Seem Like a Bad Thing
{3:30 minutes to read} I tend not to use the word “settle” with clients in mediation. Although to settle is...
Aug 17, 2018
Need Help in Making Decisions in Mediation?
{3:42 minutes to read} One of the major benefits of mediation is that parties make the decisions about their lives...
Jul 27, 2018
Why Some Mediations May Take Longer Than Others
{3:00 minutes to read} I’ve had clients who completed their mediation and signed an agreement in a few months and...
Jun 22, 2018
Setting Post-Divorce Vacation Guidelines
{4:00 minutes to read} After a divorce, many somewhat routine aspects of your life will be changing. It may be...
Jun 06, 2018
Living With Your Spouse After You Sign a Separation Agreement
{3:00 minutes to read} Why would you want to continue living together with your ex after you sign a separation...
May 23, 2018
The Difference Between Anger and Bitterness in Divorce
{2:42 minutes to read} As a divorce mediator, I certainly expect to have clients express strong emotions, including anger. But...
May 09, 2018
How to Reduce the Costs of Mediation — Part II
{4:00 minutes to read} Separating is a painful and emotionally draining process. Needlessly prolonging the process will only add to...
Apr 25, 2018
How to Reduce the Costs of Mediation – Part I
{4:00 minutes to read} The mutual goal to reduce the financial costs of a separation is a primary motivation for...
Apr 12, 2018
Can I Mediate My Divorce If …
{4:30 minutes to read} Over the years I’ve been mediating, I’ve been asked by potential clients if the following concerns...
Mar 29, 2018
But You Already Agreed to That
{3:42 minutes to read} It’s clear that until an agreement is signed, the tentative agreements you make along the way...
Mar 14, 2018
Interim Agreements: A Step to a Final Settlement
{3:42 minutes to read} Interim agreements are agreements that determine certain terms before the parties sign a comprehensive separation agreement....
Feb 27, 2018
Joint Decision Making
{3:48 minutes to read} In New York, we refer to “joint legal custody” as joint decision making in which neither...
Feb 15, 2018
Post-Divorce Communications
{1:00 minute to read} My colleagues, Dr. Jeff Zimmerman and Dr. Lauren Behrman, posted an article on how your children...
Jan 31, 2018
Child Support is More Than a Child’s Expenses
{3:48 minutes to read} While the New York Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) is not perfect, it does provide a...
Jan 16, 2018
Hope for the New Year
{3:06 minutes to read} The concept of hope has been on my mind since a good friend recently told me...
Jan 03, 2018
If Only It Was That Easy
{4:06 minutes to read} “We don’t need to mediate–we agreed to everything already and just want you to write it...
Dec 05, 2017
You Never Know What May Make a Divorce Mediation Difficult
{3:42 minutes to read} I was talking to a colleague recently about a mediation. She was surprised that it took...
Nov 15, 2017
How Separate Property Can Become Marital Property
{3:42 minutes to read} It’s perfectly normal for most married couples to live their lives without knowledge of the intricacies...
Nov 01, 2017
Moving Forward – Part II
{4:12 minutes to read} As I described in Part I of this post, it’s not unusual to feel completely overwhelmed...
Oct 18, 2017
Moving Forward – Part I
{3:24 minutes to read} So, you just learned that your spouse had an affair, or you receive an unexpected request...
Oct 04, 2017
Splitting the Difference May Not Be the Best Outcome
{3:18 minutes to read} In my past life advocating for clients in an adversarial process, getting to the point of...
Sep 20, 2017
Hanging Out the Mediator Shingle Does Not Make You a Qualified Mediator
{4:18 minutes to read} I’ve heard many complaints regarding divorce mediation: “It might be okay for simple matters but not...
Sep 07, 2017
No Whining on the Yacht
{4:00 minutes to read} I recently heard an interview of Connie Shultz, the spouse of Sen. Sherrod Brown of Ohio....
Aug 16, 2017
Helpful Guidelines to Follow in Mediation
{3:54 minutes to read} After working with a couple who had particularly good communication skills and consequently had achieved an...
Aug 02, 2017
Will Nesting Work for Us?
{4:24 minutes to read} Nesting is a shared parenting concept that allows the children to stay in the marital home...
Jul 19, 2017
The Satisfying Life of a Mediator
{3:54 minutes to read} I just returned from the annual gathering of the NYS Conference on Divorce Mediation. This is...
Jul 06, 2017
What You Should Consider When Mediating College Expenses – Part 3
{3:06 minutes to read} In the previous part of this series, we looked at parental considerations in relation to a...
Jun 21, 2017
What You Should Consider When Mediating College Expenses – Part 2
{3:18 minutes to read} In Part 1 of this series, we looked at parental considerations in relation to a child’s...
Jun 05, 2017
What You Should Consider When Mediating College Expenses
{4:00 minutes to read} Certain children’s expenses must be paid in addition to child support, according to the child support...
May 19, 2017
Agreeing to Agree
{4:00 minutes to read} I often caution clients against including language in their agreement which is basically just an agreement...
May 03, 2017
Disclosure is Not Optional
{3:36 minutes to read} I recently attended a panel discussion on how to determine income in a matrimonial mediation. The...
Apr 19, 2017
When Moving On is More Important Than Discerning the Truth
{3:48 minutes to read} While the history of a client’s relationship is obviously relevant to them, its relevance to the...
Apr 03, 2017
The Power of a Sincere Apology
{3:24 minutes to read} I thought it was interesting that the Personal Health columnist for the New York Times, Dr....
Mar 20, 2017
So, What Do You Think I Should Do?
{3:24 minutes to read} One question that I’m asked by clients fairly often is, “Do you think I should accept...
Mar 01, 2017
Unemployment While Negotiating an Agreement
{3:48 minutes to read} Unfortunately, people who are getting divorced are not exempt from downsizing, market fluctuations, facility closings, etc....
Feb 14, 2017
The Stark Reality of a Separation Agreement
{3:54 minutes to read} I met recently with a couple (I’ll call them “Mary” and “John”) to review their Separation...
Feb 01, 2017
I Just Want What I Would Get in Court
{3:12 minutes to read} There are so many sources of information available to someone in the process of divorce: Attorney...
Jan 18, 2017
A Resolution for Joy
While they may ultimately be good for you, most resolutions: Losing weight; Getting more organized; Cleaning up the basement; Exercising;...
Jan 04, 2017
Child Support Where Parents Share Equal Access with the Children
{4:00 minutes to read} In New York, case law provides that when parents share equal physical custody of the children,...
Dec 06, 2016
Why Do Divorcing Couples Mediate?
{3:18 minutes to read} After my initial mediation training, I developed a sense of why I thought clients would choose...
Nov 22, 2016
Nobody Said Mediation Would Be Easy
{3:54 minutes to read} Since I write so often about the benefits of mediation, I think it’s time that I...
Nov 09, 2016
Payments in Addition to Child Support???
{3.36 minutes to read} I try to avoid jargon when working with clients. When I’m not successful, it’s easy to...
Oct 25, 2016
Why I Provide an Initial Consultation at No Charge
{3:42 minutes to read} A couple of years ago, I was a member of a panel discussion regarding client intake...
Oct 11, 2016
A Shift to the Extreme is Everywhere
{3:12 minutes to read} My first ritual of the fall entails my husband and I getting a flu shot, going...
Sep 27, 2016
The Power of Acknowledgment
{3:42 minutes to read} Dog training was never a strong suit for my husband or me, but our new dog,...
Sep 13, 2016
How The Start of School Can Impact a Parenting Plan
{3:54 minutes to read} When I litigated, there were two times of year when I would receive quite a few...
Aug 30, 2016
End of Summer? Oh, No!
{2:36 minutes to read} I am one of those people who enjoys the changing of the seasons, even when it...
Aug 16, 2016
When It Comes to Marital Assets, Pensions are Different
{3:30 minutes to read} When I began practicing family law, one of the first lessons I learned was that clients...
Aug 02, 2016
Why Might the Spouse Who Deserves a Longer Term of Maintenance Not Receive It?
{3:48 minutes to read} Even before the enactment of New York’s post-divorce maintenance statute, most mediators and attorneys worked with...
Jul 19, 2016
Sometimes Resolution Comes After a Mediation
{3:24 minutes to read} As with most people, there are some challenges that I welcome, and some that I dread....
Jul 05, 2016
What is the Opposite of Scarcity?
{3:36 minutes to read} I would have answered this question as “abundance,” which I suspect might be a common response....
Jun 21, 2016
The Dual Impact of Divorce
{3:12 minutes to read} Having been raised by a mother who once heard an ambulance and acted upon the belief...
Jun 07, 2016
Baby Boomer Grandparents
{4:18 minutes to read} As Lesley Stahl was making the rounds on various talk shows, promoting her new book, Becoming...
May 24, 2016
Living Together or Apart — Relevant in Mediation But Maybe Not in Court
{3:48 minutes to read} Courts are now required to consider the following factor, among many others, in making a maintenance...
May 10, 2016
Is This How You Want Your Children to Remember You?
{3:24 minutes to read} I attended a mediation workshop that focused on the various ways that a mediator can address...
May 02, 2016
Take the Time to Let Mediation Work
{3:48 minutes to read} As someone who is making a sincere effort to be mindful and present, and also as...
Apr 12, 2016
Civility in Mediation
{3:12 minutes to read} After watching the umpteenth presidential debate, you can imagine why I started to think about civility...
Mar 29, 2016
An Homage to Max
A departure from my other posts, and one that I hope will resonate with you. Most people wanting to adopt...
Mar 15, 2016
Afraid to Mediate?
{3:54 minutes to read} Clients in initial consultations are sometimes hesitant to begin mediation because of: Fear the other will...
Mar 01, 2016
The Difference Between a Mediated and a Litigated Agreement
{3:48 minutes to read} When comparing mediated and litigated agreements, the first thought that comes to mind is that a...
Feb 16, 2016
4 Reasons You Need Budgets in Mediation
{2:48 minutes to read} Budgets are not fun – composing them, living on them and even just having to think...
Feb 02, 2016
What Does New York’s New Maintenance Statute Mean for Mediation?
{3:12 minutes to read} In the summer of 2015, the New York legislature passed a statute providing for post-divorce maintenance....
Jan 19, 2016
Don’t Punish Your Children for the Other Parent’s Bad Behavior
{3:36 minutes to read} If you were to ask any parent if, under any circumstance, he or she would want...
Jan 05, 2016
Your Marriage May Have Failed but You Are Not a Failure
{3:30 minutes to read} After hearing Katty Kay speak about the book written by her and Claire Shipman, The Confidence...
Dec 08, 2015
Reflections on the Year
{2:42 minutes to read} Around this time of year, most people are considering resolutions for the new year. I never...
Nov 24, 2015
Why Would I Need a Coach to Get a Divorce?
{3:00 minutes to read} Previously, I wrote about the benefit to parents in using a child specialist. In this...
Nov 10, 2015
Mindfulness and Mediation
{3:18 minutes to read} I am attending a series of workshops for mediators who are interested in practicing mindfulness tools...
Oct 27, 2015
Does the Truth Matter?
{3:55 minutes to read} We all tend to adapt a story in retelling it. It’s mostly small points, but sometimes...
Oct 13, 2015
What is Wrong with this Picture?
{4:00 minutes to read} Recently I received a notice of a Continuing Legal Education course sponsored by a bar association on...
Sep 29, 2015
Are there Limits to Client Self-Determination? Part 2
{3:36 minutes to read} In a previous post, I discussed the difficulty faced by a mediator when he or she...
Sep 15, 2015
Balance and Mediation
{3:24 minutes to read} When I mentioned to a friend that I loved the balance poses in yoga the best,...
Sep 01, 2015
The Importance of Control
{3:30 minutes to read} I always stress the importance of the client's right of control in a mediated matter versus the...
Aug 20, 2015
Fair is in the Eye of the Beholder
{3 minutes to read} It’s rare that I don’t have a mediation in which at least one of the participants...
Aug 04, 2015
Are there Limits to Client Self-Determination? Part 1
{3:48 minutes to read} This question is the subject of many a treatise, panel discussion, informal debate among mediators, and...
Jul 21, 2015
Why I Turned to Mediation
{3:36 minutes to read} When I practiced family law in an adversarial setting, I always felt a little guilty...
Jul 08, 2015
When Things Change – Part III: Parenting
{3:24 minutes to read} Depending on your situation, resolving your parenting plan can be the simplest or most difficult part...
Jun 23, 2015
Are We Your Worst Clients?
{3:36 minutes to read} I have to say that some variation on that question is often asked of me by...
Jun 09, 2015
When Things Change – Part II: Child Support
{3:36 minutes to read} New York enacted a statute several years ago to put some clarity into the process of...
May 26, 2015
When Things Change – Part I: Relocation
{3:42 minutes to read} Imagine that you’ve been living separately under your agreement for a few years and are co-parenting...
May 12, 2015
How Can a Child Specialist Help?
{3:48 minutes to read} We often use and hear the term “best interests of the children.” You would imagine...
Apr 28, 2015
I Love the House vs I Need the Money!
{3:30 minutes to read} To some, including me, the equity in a house is just like any other asset. I...
Apr 14, 2015
Is It Ever Okay to Just Give In?
“I don't care; I just want to get this over with.” {3:45 minutes to read} When those words are spoken...
Mar 31, 2015
From the Child’s Point of View
{2:50 minutes to read} I am fortunate enough to say that I am not a child of divorce. Since I...
Mar 17, 2015
Why We Do What We Do
{3:30 minutes to read} . Do we choose our profession because of our basic personality, or does our profession cause...
Mar 04, 2015
Do You Respect Your Spouse’s Approach?
{2:50 minutes to read} We all approach situations differently. Some, when confronted with a problem will attack it in a...
Feb 18, 2015
Mediation First, Post Divorce
{2:50 minutes to read} Clients can become exasperated by all of my “what if” questions as I try to provide...
Feb 02, 2015
5 Common Myths about Mediation
Though mediation is a less contentious way to divorce, there are still some myths that keep people from taking advantage...
Jan 19, 2015
The Second Time Around for You and the Kids
[Time to Read: 3.9 mins]While it’s hard for most people going through a divorce to imagine dating again, it’s more...
Jan 05, 2015
The Empowering Aspect of Mediation
[Time to Read: 4.1 mins] At the initial consultation, clients often express concern that within the process of mediation they...
Dec 22, 2014
I’m Ready to Get Divorced, but My Spouse Isn’t – Part 2
In my last blog, I wrote about how a mediation can begin if one spouse isn’t quite as prepared to...
Dec 10, 2014
I’m Ready to Get Divorced, but My Spouse Isn’t – Part 1
It’s rare in my practice for both parties to be in the same frame of mind about getting a divorce....
Nov 26, 2014
It Is Just One Day – 5 Tips on How to Survive
As much as I try, it’s almost impossible to simply enjoy a holiday for itself. We are bombarded around the...
Nov 11, 2014
Are You Prepared for Mediation?
There are so many issues that a divorcing couple must face: How to tell the children Where will each live...
Oct 28, 2014
Ghosts, Goblins, and Divorce
I love Halloween, and I love being scared. Scary can be fun when it’s within your control, like I am...
Oct 14, 2014
Are You Angry or Are You Bitter?
The definitions of anger and bitterness are similar: Anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Bitterness: anger and...
Oct 01, 2014
What if the CSSA Doesn’t Work for Us?
How does the Child Support Standards Act (“CSSA”) work in mediation? First, you will need to discuss whether or not...
Sep 16, 2014
Child Support Standards Act: The Basics
I remember when the Child Support Standards Act (“CSSA”) was adopted in New York in 1989. It was a radical...
Sep 03, 2014
Reality Testing Your Parenting Agreement
It’s not unusual for couples to discuss and agree upon an outline for a parenting plan before they begin mediation....
Jun 12, 2014
Child Support Standards Act: The Basics
I remember when the CSSA was adopted in New York in 1989. It was a radical departure from how child...
Feb 11, 2014
Reality Testing Your Agreement
One of the things that I emphasize with clients is that an important part of the mediation process is to...
Dec 17, 2013
Pre-Nuptial Agreements Aren’t Just for Divorce
Admittedly, it is uncomfortable to raise the idea of signing a pre-nuptial agreement with the person with whom you have...
Oct 30, 2013
I’m Ready to Get Divorced, but My Spouse Isn’t. Part Two – The Mediation
Previously, I wrote about how a mediation can begin if one spouse isn’t quite as prepared to divorce as the...
Sep 05, 2013
I’m Ready to Get Divorced, but My Spouse Isn’t. Part One – Getting Started
It’s rare in my practice for both parties to be in the same frame of mind about getting a divorce....
Jul 24, 2013
The Empowering Aspect of Mediation
One of the most fascinating aspects of mediation is how the process can transform someone who feels reticent or insecure...
May 20, 2013
Preparing for Mediation
There are so many issues that a divorcing couple must face–how to tell the children, where will each live, whether...
Jan 04, 2012
Applying or Waiving the Law in Mediation
Even though mediation is a process in which the parties themselves make an agreement that works best for them and...
Jul 06, 2011
Attorneys in Mediation
As a mediator, I do not insist that my clients use review or consulting attorneys as a matter of course....
May 16, 2011
Funding Cuts to the Courts
With the drastic cuts in funding to the Courts in New York State, what had been a long, expensive and...
Feb 15, 2011
Does Temporary Maintenance Affect Me in Mediation?
You may be aware that New York State adopted a statute in October regarding the calculation of temporary maintenance at...
Jan 07, 2011
Will my mediated agreement be upheld?
It is very difficult in New York State to be successful in a Court action to set aside an agreement...
Oct 20, 2010
Will a mediated agreement be fair?
Some people are afraid that if they do not hire a lawyer, they will not receive everything to which they...
Sep 16, 2010
Do You Have to Agree on Terms Before You Mediate?
If that were true, there would be no need to mediate. Of course people who disagree can mediate, just like...
Aug 16, 2010
Bringing Sanity to the Divorce Process
If you and your spouse have decided that you need to separate, it would seem that the last thing you...
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