914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Reality Testing Your Parenting Agreement

September 3, 2014  | 
Clare A. Piro explains the importance of thinking parenting plans out thoroughly during the divorce mediation process.

It’s not unusual for couples to discuss and agree upon an outline for a parenting plan before they begin mediation. When this happens, the mediator’s job is to talk to them about the practical effects of their agreement.

Overnights:
Both parents may believe that overnights during the week for the non-custodial parent would be good for the children. Reality dictates that you discuss if the children can get to school on time and have all of the things needed for that school day. This isn’t meant to discourage weekday overnights but to ensure that the parenting plan works.

Holidays and Birthdays:
It’s also natural for parents to say that they want to share all holidays and birthdays. Initially it seems like that would be good for the children, and since everything you are discussing in mediation is new and probably unimaginable to you, this seems normal. Reality dictates the mediator ask how it would work when one parent starts dating. Again, it doesn’t mean that the couple can’t do what they intended, but they could also decide to build into the agreement an alternate plan if one is dating or if it is just too painful for one to continue the practice.

Weekends:
Even something as simple as the concept of one parent having parenting time with the children every Saturday and the other having parenting time every Sunday will lead to questions. Will this allow each of you to have enough time with the children if that one day is filled with sporting or religious activities?

Relocation:
I always question my clients about relocation by one or both of them in the future. Usually neither of them will voice any plans or even a desire to relocate, but I remind them that circumstances can change with a job or a new spouse.

If it appears that there is a strong likelihood for relocation, it would be addressed head-on, and the agreement would include provisions for how it will be handled.

If a relocation is not imminent or likely, there would still be a discussion to decide if they want a radius clause and what happens if one parent wants to move.

As difficult and painful as it is to do all of this now, the last thing that you would want to do is have to re-mediate because something you thought would work so well turned out to be unworkable. All of these questions are just to make sure that your agreement will stand the test of time. While no mediator can predict each and every possibility that might arise to make your agreement unmanageable, they can try to apply the "reality test" as much as possible based upon their experience, so that the chances the couple will need to come back to mediation again will be very low.

Does your idea for a parenting plan pass the "reality test?"

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments
Search
Topics
Mediation (81) | Divorce (75) | Divorce Mediation (20) | Mediator (13) | Conflict (9) | Litigation (8) | Child Support (8) | Separation Agreement (7) | Consultation (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Communication (5) | Parenting Plan (5) | Co-Parenting (5) | Separation (5) | Children (4) | Family (4) | Attorney (4) | Finances (4) | Parenting (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Assets (3) | Expenses (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Equitable Distribution (3) | Clients (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Child Support Standards Act (3) | Pandemic (2) | Relationships (2) | Legislation (2) | Marital Home (2) | CSSA (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Truth (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Agreement (2) | Budgets (2) | Spouse (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Bitterness (2) | Emotions (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Financial Professional (2) | Anger (2) | Seperation (2) | Custody (2) | Listening (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Step-Father (2) | Step-Children (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Anxiety (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Couples (2) | Compromise (2) | Marital Property (2) | College Expenses (2) | Mediate (2) | Separate Property (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Assets (2) | Informed Decisions (2) | Apology (2) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Fiancé (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | But (1) | Apologizing (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Meditate (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Buyer (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Seller (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Refinance (1) | Patience (1) | Time To Process (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | PostNup (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Lawyer (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Financial Information (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Court Process (1) | Negotiation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Prenup (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Entitlement (1) | Guilt (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Eldercare (1) | Transition Day (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | An Advocate (1) | A Neutral (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Older Parents (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Adults (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Expectations (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Feelings (1) | Intention (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Communicating (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Understood (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Court Order (1) | COVID19 (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Heard (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Separating (1) | Divorce Agreement (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Caucus (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Dreaming (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Self-talk (1) | New York (1) | Budget (1) | Agreements (1) | Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Living Together (1) | Living Apart (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Grandparents (1) | Abundance (1) | Blame (1) | Scarcity (1) | Resolution (1) | Marriage (1) | Summer (1) | Kids (1) | School Year (1) | Power (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Conflicy (1) | Fall (1) | Extremes (1) | Payments (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Advice (1) | 2015 (1) | Responsibility (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Consulting Attorney (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | House (1) | Year In Review (1) | Equity (1) | Mental Health (1) | Specialist (1) | Relocation (1) | Change (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Self-determination (1) | Self Determination (1) | New York State (1) | Control (1) | Balance (1) | Equality (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Unemployment (1) | Moving On (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Intervention (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Husband (1) | Wife (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Affair (1) | Married (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Public Trust (1) | Lies (1) | Dishonest (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Spouses (1) | Separation Agreements (1) | Work Stress (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Perfection (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | MediationSession (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | Blended Families (1) | Significant Other (1) | Attitudes (1) | Therapy (1) | Spousal Support (1) | Disclosure (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Parents (1) | Contribution (1) | College (1) | Nesting (1) | Compassion (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Married Couples (1) | Commingling (1) | Transmutation (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Joint Decision Making (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Joint Account (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Divorce Coach (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Facial Expression (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

In response to COVID-19 I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.