914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

The Importance of Control

September 1, 2015  | 
The Importance of Control by Clare PIro

{3:30 minutes to read} I always stress the importance of the client's right of control in a mediated matter versus the loss of control clients experience in a litigation or in an attorney negotiated matter.

My recent, 2nd personal brush with the legal system reminded me of the 1st, and brought the concept of client control in mediation to an ever greater importance for me.

A few years before I became a mediator, and still litigated matters, I retained an attorney to petition the court for guardianship of my aunt, who was in a coma after suffering a stroke. It was uncontested in that all family members agreed with my appointment. Even with that, since abuses of the guardianship process exist, there was a hearing, and questions raised by the attorney appointed for my aunt had to be addressed. I remember that when the judge’s clerk asked the attorneys to meet for a conference, I automatically got up, and then realized I was the client and not invited.  

It was a horrible feeling to be left out of discussions that affected my life and that of my family. It was also a first-hand experience of how my clients felt out of control when they were left alone on a bench while the attorneys, without their input, talked about decisions that had a major impact on them.

Of course, the delays and the timetable, which were solely dictated by the court and over which the litigants have no control, were also frustrating. This schedule failed to address the very real issues that were arising as a result of my not being able to act on behalf of my aunt.

My 2nd personal encounter with the court system was being called for federal jury duty. I was excused as a juror on a criminal trial, but I was selected for 4 weeks of grand jury duty, a service from which very few were excused.

There are 3 permitted absences. Everything else is out of your control and subject to the scheduling and convenience of those in control of the grand jury process.

This means that you do not control your own schedule -- personal and work -- for 4 weeks because, until you hear a recorded message at 6 p.m. the night before, you don’t know what time you need to report the next day. On some days, you are there to hear only one case (taking less than 1/2 of the time of my 3-hour round trip commute), and on the other days, you have 2 - 2 1/2 hour breaks in between cases.

It became clear pretty quickly that the system is not designed with the consideration of jurors or litigants paramount. As challenging as jury service was for me, it pales in comparison to having to deal with the lack of control when your future and your children’s futures are on the line.

So, if given a choice, mediate your divorce and keep control. Above all, resolve your matter without involving a court or attorneys.
Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (142) | Divorce (132) | Separation (49) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Communication (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Conflict (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Parenting (7) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Consultation (7) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Parenting Plan (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Expenses (4) | CSSA (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Agreement (4) | Family (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Finances (4) | Separate Property (4) | Marital Property (4) | Settlement (4) | Relationships (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Listening (3) | Family Court (3) | Clients (3) | Emotions (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Negotiation (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Responsibility (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Compromise (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Blended Families (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Apology (2) | Bitterness (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Step-Children (2) | Fairness (2) | Step-Father (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | College Expenses (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Entitlement (2) | CDFA (2) | Will (2) | Law Professionals (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Spouse (2) | Budgets (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Estate (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Inheritance (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Parent Coordinator (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Change (2) | Anxiety (2) | Budget (2) | Truth (2) | Custody (2) | Anger (2) | Attitude (2) | Mediate (2) | Pandemic (2) | Legislation (2) | Seperation (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Agreements (2) | Guilt (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Couples (2) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Personality (1) | Bonuses (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Opposites (1) | Coparenting (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | CoParenting (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | ADR (1) | Perspective (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Empowerment (1) | Judge (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Pension (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Advocacy (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Expectations (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | Custody Determination (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | An Advocate (1) | Thrive (1) | Retirement (1) | Pensions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Depression (1) | Languish (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Transition Day (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Court (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Hope (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Significant Others (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Speak Up (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Concession (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Active Listening (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Regrets (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Child-focused (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Well-being (1) | Child Wellbeing (1) | Regret Avoidance (1) | Fault Assessment (1) | Realty Testing (1) | Decision Making (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Impartiality (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Buyout (1) | Inflation (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Collaboration (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Contentment (1) | Disagreements (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Kindness (1) | Happiness (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Being Understood (1) | Commitment (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Consulting (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Meditation (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Real Estate (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Support Connection (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Married Couples (1) | Commingling (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Fall (1) | Conflicy (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | Extremes (1) | Payments (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Husband (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Relocation (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Balance (1) | Equality (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Abundance (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Advice (1) | Self-talk (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Married (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Fiancé (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Apologizing (1) | But (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Dishonest (1) | Spouses (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Lawyer (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Buyer (1) | Seller (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Co-parenting (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.