Why Would I Need a Coach to Get a Divorce?

{3:00 minutes to read}   

Previously, I wrote about the benefit to parents in using a child specialist.  In this post, I am writing about the benefits to clients in using a divorce coach in certain situations.

It does sound odd to think that someone needs a coach to get a divorce.  At first blush it can bring up the wholly inappropriate picture of someone on the sidelines cheering you on as you prepare to end your marriage. That is most definitely not the role of a divorce coach.

A divorce coach is a mental health professional who has training and experience in working with couples who are going through the process of separation and divorce.

With all clients, I raise the idea of a divorce coach in my initial consultation with prospective mediation clients.  At this time, I provide an explanation of all of the professionals who are available to assist them in making good decisions (attorneys, financial professionals, mental health professionals, appraisers and the like).

With certain clients, if I see that one or both are persistently reacting to triggers that lead to unproductive meetings and that my interventions to get them back on track are not working, I will raise the idea that our meetings seem to be getting bogged down and ask if one or both would consider engaging a divorce coach.

The first thing clients usually say if I suggest how they could benefit from this, is that they already have a therapist.  I explain this is not therapy in that sense.  Divorce coaching is not a long term process and instead is a highly focused meeting or meetings to address how a person can get through the process of separating more easily and be a better participant in a mediation.  Some of the benefits are:

• To manage and contain highly charged emotions;

• To address a specific situation like an affair;

• To recognize triggers that can derail a meeting and develop a strategy to avoid reacting to it;

• To provide closure at the end of a mediation to address the past and what will be a different future.

Certainly, most clients do not need to involve a divorce coach, but in those situations where clients can’t seem to get beyond the past, the divorce coach can help them refocus and move forward.  Although there is an additional fee in retaining another professional, it makes the mediation more productive, which saves money in the long run.