914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Are there Limits to Client Self-Determination? Part 1

August 4, 2015  | 

{3:48 minutes to read} This question is the subject of many a treatise, panel discussion, informal debate among mediators, and heartfelt soul-searching for an individual mediator confronted with the situation.

If you’ve been mediating a while, undoubtedly this has come up for you. Or if you’re a client in a mediation, you may wonder just how strong is your right to determine the outcome. The scenario:

A client knows the substantive law on the issue, understands the likelihood of what might happen if he or she goes to court, and, most confounding to the mediator, understands the possible negative outcome of the choice. Nonetheless, the client insists upon a decision that the mediator believes is not sound or proper.

There can be many reasons for this. As noted in a previous post,  wanting to get the matter resolved can be first and foremost a reason for the decision, but that is not the only motivation. It can be:

  • Guilt;

  • Compassion for the other party;

  • Taking on an extreme caretaking role; or even

  • An unreasonable optimism about their future circumstances.

As a mediator, I’m not sure if the reason matters. Although it certainly speaks to whether or not the person has capacity and is making an informed decision, in terms of my having a concern over their ability to live in the future, it makes no difference.

There is guidance in the Model Standards of Practice for Family and Divorce Mediation.

First and foremost, Standard I provides:

“A family mediator shall recognize that mediation is based on the principle of self-determination by the participants.”

Then, Standard XI cites, among the circumstances under which a mediator should consider suspending or terminating the mediation, that the parties are about to enter into an agreement that the mediator believes to be unconscionable.

So, self-determination is paramount, but a mediator should consider terminating the mediation if he or she feels that the terms are unconscionable. Herein lies the dilemma:

  • According to the preamble to the Model Standards, “should" indicates that the practice described in the Standard is "highly desirable and should be departed from only with very strong reason." It has more weight than “may,” but less than the rarely used “shall” which means that the mediator cannot deviate from the standard.

  • Then the word “consider” again gives more discretion to the mediator and less of a mandate.

  • Finally, the term “unconscionable” raises a question. Is it the common definition of “not right or reasonable,” or the definition used in law, “unusually harsh and shocking to the conscience; that which is so grossly unfair that a court will proscribe it.”

So, yes, guidance is provided, but not the answer.

Clearly, this is not a question to be fully explored in one or two blog posts, and I would not purport to do so.  But in my next post, I will explain how I address it, and the explanation I give to my clients.

What is your understanding of “self-determination?”  Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments
Gregg B
August 8, 2015 - 8:43 PM
Excellent post! Does it make a difference if the party asserting strong self determination is represented by counsel? I think so. If the party does not have an attorney, however, the described situation is more complicated. I'm not sure that the mediator can do more than carefully assess a party's capacity to negotiate and suspend the mediation if it is clear that lack of capacity is an issue. Absent an incapacity determination, wouldn't the mediator cease to be impartial by intervening and substituting his/her judgment for that of the self determined party? No doubt, this is a dilemma with no easy answer. Also, are mediation parties "clients?" My view is that they are not at least in the conventional attorney/client sense.

Search
Topics
Mediation (143) | Divorce (132) | Separation (49) | Divorce Mediation (21) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Communication (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Conflict (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Collaborative Divorce (7) | Attorney (7) | Consultation (7) | Parenting (7) | Prenup (7) | Parenting Plan (6) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Separate Property (5) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Marital Assets (5) | Equitable Distribution (5) | Agreement (4) | Finances (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Divorce Coach (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Property (4) | Family (4) | Expenses (4) | Financial Professional (4) | Compromise (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Responsibility (3) | Blended Families (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Listening (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Mediation Benefits (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Negotiation (3) | Emotions (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Family Court (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Relationships (3) | Clients (3) | Pandemic (2) | Apology (2) | Moving Forward (2) | College Expenses (2) | Spouse (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | FamilyMediation (2) | CDFA (2) | CoParenting (2) | Guilt (2) | Entitlement (2) | Budgets (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Attitude (2) | Anxiety (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Law Professionals (2) | Mediate (2) | Will (2) | Inheritance (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Estate (2) | Parent Coordinator (2) | Fairness (2) | Truth (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Seperation (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Step-Father (2) | Bitterness (2) | Step-Children (2) | Budget (2) | Agreements (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Anger (2) | Change (2) | Couples (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Coparenting (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Beliefs (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Perspective (1) | ADR (1) | Ideas (1) | Disagreements (1) | Financial Planning (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Moving Forward After Divorce (1) | Opposites (1) | Personality (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Court (1) | Pension (1) | Relationship Advice (1) | Personal Growth (1) | Ending A Marriage (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Judge (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Income Level (1) | Commissions (1) | Bonuses (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Expectations (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Parenting Support (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | FamilyLaw (1) | Education Plan (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Advocacy (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Empowerment (1) | Overcoming Feelings Of Failure (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | IEP (1) | Individualized Education Plans (1) | Special Education (1) | Education Consultant (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Pensions (1) | Retirement (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Thrive (1) | Depression (1) | Languish (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Kindness (1) | Divorce Journey (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Active Listening (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Child-focused (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Buyout (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Inflation (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | Well-being (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Child Wellbeing (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Significant Others (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Impartiality (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Speak Up (1) | Concession (1) | Real Estate (1) | Self Compassion (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Being Understood (1) | Emotional Readiness (1) | Financial Changes (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Collaboration (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | High-Conflict Divorce (1) | Mediation Success (1) | Commitment (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Separation Process (1) | Contentment (1) | Regrets (1) | Happiness (1) | Mediation Break (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Consulting (1) | Meditation (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Decision Making (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Realty Testing (1) | Fault Assessment (1) | Regret Avoidance (1) | Asset Division (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Cancer (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Hope (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Support Connection (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | Compassion (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Nesting (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | College (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Extremes (1) | Fall (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Intervention (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Dreaming (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Conflicy (1) | Power (1) | Lies (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Relocation (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Balance (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Halloween (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Control (1) | Equality (1) | School Year (1) | Living Apart (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Abundance (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Together (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Advice (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Public Trust (1) | Little White Lies (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | COVID19 (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | Court Order (1) | Understood (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Heard (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Apologizing (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Transition Day (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | But (1) | Dishonest (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Buyer (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Spouses (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Seller (1) | Fiancé (1) | Financial Information (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | ParentingTogether (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.