Balance and Mediation

{3:24 minutes to read} When I mentioned to a friend that I loved the balance poses in yoga the best, her reply was that she wasn’t surprised because she thought I was the most balanced person she knows.

I laughed at the connection, but then when I thought about it, I do have a very strong sense of balance that plays out in many different ways.

• I would hate living in a place that was sunny all the time. After a string of sunny days, I long for rain, or at the very least a cloudy day.

• I could never consider living in a place that doesn’t have four seasons. By the end of the summer, I’m eager for the fall and even the winter.

• By the end of a vacation, I’m always ready to go home.

• If I go out to dinner for several days in a row, I yearn for a healthy, home-cooked meal.

Balance <> Equality

Although it is a common definition of balance, I don’t equate balance with equality. It’s not that I seek an equal amount of sunny and rainy days or spend as many days eating at home as going to restaurants. It’s more like an inherent sense that even too much of a good thing needs to be balanced with something that permits me to be more reflective, and thus able to fully appreciate the other. To me, balance is the avoidance of extremes.

For the couples with whom I work, I think that sense of balance may be missing, and I try to help them find it.

When you are going through a separation, it is usually devastating and scary. You have no idea what your future may bring. Balanced thoughts are not likely to be your first. In fact, your first thought may go to the extreme:

• I’m going to be penniless, struggle alone, and not be able to support myself and my children.

• I need to fight for and get everything to which I’m entitled and then some.

That can lead you to make choices such as hiring an attorney who is going to look for a one-sided agreement. Those decisions aren’t in your best interest and tend to make it even more difficult for you to find balance.

On the other hand, if you and your spouse can agree to mediate, you will enter into a process in which your fears and concerns are going to be heard and addressed, as will those of your spouse. At that point, you can look at things in a more balanced way, more quickly.