914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Child Support is More Than a Child’s Expenses

January 31, 2018  | 

{3:48 minutes to read} While the New York Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) is not perfect, it does provide a sensible framework for addressing the indirect expenses that a parent experiences. These indirect expenses are the most difficult to calculate and the most difficult for the child support payor to understand.

“I’m willing to pay 100% of my children's expenses for clothing, activities, medical insurance and expenses — why should I have to pay child support?”

That may sound logical, but it ignores the many tangible and not-so-tangible expenses that a custodial parent incurs.

Shelter - It’s difficult to apportion a percentage of the rent or mortgage that should be assessed to the children. If there are two children, would it be two thirds the cost? Or half? Or would it be the difference between a two- or three-bedroom home and the cost the parent would incur if living alone?
 
Utilities - As with housing, how do you assess the cost of electricity, heat, water, etc? It certainly costs more to have more people or a bigger home to heat, but how do you compute it?
 
Food - The incremental costs of feeding additional people is also hard to compute.
 
Miscellaneous expenses - Trips to CVS and Target to purchase non-essentials that seem very essential to the children can add up tremendously, but may not fall into any particular direct expense category. Add to that class trips, movies, the cost of play dates, and entertainment, and you have a major expense!
 

So, to address those difficult-to-quantify expenses, the CSSA uses a formula that multiplies parents’ incomes by percentages based upon the number of children.

What I understand from my upstate colleagues is that the CSSA works fairly well. But in the metropolitan New York area where the housing costs are radically different from other parts of the state, it can be challenging for someone to pay support by the CSSA and maintain a home where the children can visit comfortably. It can be equally challenging for the recipient of child support to make ends meet on support by the CSSA.

In those situations, I’ve seen couples take two approaches:

It’s Your Problem
Faced with lean budgets that show unmanageable deficits for either the person paying support or the person receiving support, the other may say, “It’s her problem and she’ll have to figure it out.” Obviously, that speaks to that person’s anger and frustration. If the mediator is unable to help the person move beyond that to recognize that, it’s the family’s issue and not just the other’s, there will not be a resolution, or at least not one that both will feel willing to live with.
 
It’s Our Problem
Just recognizing that it’s a mutual problem makes generating options to resolve it easier. Not everyone can begin so collaboratively, but I have seen transitions from anger and frustration to couples generating options that would never have been considered if it remained the other’s problem to resolve.
Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (143) | Divorce (133) | Separation (50) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Communication (11) | Conflict (10) | Separation Agreement (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Parenting Plan (7) | Parenting (7) | Prenup (7) | Attorney (7) | Consultation (7) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | CSSA (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Family (4) | Agreement (4) | Expenses (4) | Finances (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Separate Property (4) | Marital Property (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Settlement (4) | Estate Documents (3) | Family Court (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Parent Coordinator (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Relationships (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Listening (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Emotions (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Negotiation (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Responsibility (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Clients (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Compromise (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Blended Families (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Apology (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Step-Children (2) | Fairness (2) | Step-Father (2) | Bitterness (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | College Expenses (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Entitlement (2) | CDFA (2) | Will (2) | Law Professionals (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Spouse (2) | Budgets (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Estate (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Inheritance (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Attitude (2) | Change (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Budget (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Agreements (2) | Truth (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Mediate (2) | Anger (2) | Couples (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Pandemic (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Anxiety (2) | Seperation (2) | Guilt (2) | Pension (1) | Income Level (1) | CoParenting (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | ADR (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Advocacy (1) | Personality (1) | Coparenting (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Opposites (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Perspective (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Judge (1) | Empowerment (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Expectations (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | Custody Determination (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | An Advocate (1) | Thrive (1) | Retirement (1) | Pensions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Depression (1) | Languish (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Transition Day (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Court (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Hope (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Significant Others (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Speak Up (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Concession (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Active Listening (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Regrets (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Child-focused (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Well-being (1) | Child Wellbeing (1) | Regret Avoidance (1) | Fault Assessment (1) | Realty Testing (1) | Decision Making (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Impartiality (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Buyout (1) | Inflation (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Collaboration (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Contentment (1) | Disagreements (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Kindness (1) | Happiness (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Being Understood (1) | Commitment (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Consulting (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Meditation (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Real Estate (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Support Connection (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Married Couples (1) | Commingling (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Fall (1) | Conflicy (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | Extremes (1) | Payments (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Husband (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Relocation (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Balance (1) | Equality (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Abundance (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Advice (1) | Self-talk (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Married (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Fiancé (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Apologizing (1) | But (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Dishonest (1) | Spouses (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Lawyer (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Buyer (1) | Seller (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Co-parenting (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.