Mindfulness and Mediation

{3:18 minutes to read} I am attending a series of workshops for mediators who are interested in practicing mindfulness tools to help alleviate stress, impart focus and extend compassion not just to others but also to ourselves.

To start in a small way, our trainer suggested as an exercise, to practice mindfulness while brushing your teeth–to really think about how the toothpaste tastes, how it feels against each tooth, the sounds.  I had to laugh because as the consummate multi-tasker, brushing my teeth means that I am simultaneously cleaning up the counter, reading a magazine, or even on occasion walking out of the room to watch television.

Of course, I recognize that a focus on more than one thing doesn’t make me more effective and instead has the opposite effect.  But it’s a hard habit to break.  For example:

I tend to glance at emails or absentmindedly play a FreeCell game while in front of my computer talking with a friend.  So after my first mindfulness workshop, I made myself just sit back while on the phone, kept my hands off the mouse and ignored the pings of email alerts.  Not only did I fully focus on the conversation, but because I was mindful of the time since I wasn’t also reading emails or playing a game, I got off the phone more quickly than I would have otherwise.  Needless to say, none of my emails couldn’t wait the fifteen minutes for me to finish my call, and I paid more attention to them when I wasn’t distracted.  (I even played a better game of FreeCell when I focused on just that.)

So, why mindfulness and meditation for mediators?  The qualities inherent in being mindful are the same as those that are beneficial in a good mediator:

1. Non-judging - being impartial and being aware of your own reactions

2. Patience - letting the clients go at their pace and not jumping to where you think they should be going

3. Beginner’s mind - be curious and open to brainstorming

4. Authenticity - be yourself, honest and transparent

5. Empathy - understand the clients and be compassionate

6. Respect - acknowledge where clients are and treat them and the process with dignity

7. Thankful - appreciate that our clients chose to mediate and give us that opportunity

And most importantly, Acceptance.  We do our best to work with our clients and help them reach agreement, but it remains their mediation and their agreement to make or not.  We are not responsible for their outcome.

I hope that as I incorporate meditation and mindfulness into my life, I can be more present and centered in my sessions and provide that thoughtfulness to my clients.