914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Moving Forward - Part II

November 1, 2017  | 
Moving Forward - Part II by Clare Piro

{4:12 minutes to read} As I described in Part I of this post, it’s not unusual to feel completely overwhelmed upon hearing that your spouse wants a divorce. You think the last thing you are capable of doing is making good decisions about your children and your finances. But then you keep getting pushed by your spouse to start the divorce ASAP.

You can tell your spouse that you need some time to process everything and get the support that you may need to move forward. Then, be reasonable in providing a time frame for when you will start, and stick to it.

At that point, I believe that suggesting mediation can help, even if you feel blind-sided and mired in negative emotions. Here are the reasons why:

It is a speedier process.

Prolonging the process of separation probably will not make you feel better and certainly won’t help you to move forward. Provided you both do the required work to draft budgets, gather all financial information and give consideration to your interests and proposals for settlement, you are likely to reach resolution sooner in mediation than negotiating through attorneys, and certainly sooner than if you went to court.

You work with your spouse in a collaborative fashion.

Even though you are angry, fearful about what will happen to you and your children, and probably still blame your spouse for wanting to end the marriage, he or she is not the enemy. This person is still someone you deeply cared for and who likely wants the best for you even though they no longer want to live with you. You have worked together in the past, and while this obviously will be a more painful collaboration, you can surely do it again to achieve a settlement that works for both of you.

You look to the future in terms of making proposals rather than the past to assess blame.

Being mired in the “blame game” is not going to help achieve a settlement. It will only prolong the process and make it unnecessarily hurtful. Instead, focus on how to change something about the past that makes you angry, and propose something that can be done differently in the future that is more in line with your interests.

You can work with other professionals in the process.

If you feel incapable of making good decisions or are afraid to work through the difficult emotions you feel, in the mediation process, you can work with other professionals:

  • You can meet with an attorney before starting mediation, in between meetings, and/or to review the separation agreement.
  • If you need help understanding financial details, you can work with a financial professional, either as an advocate or a neutral party.
  • You can work with a mental health professional if you need someone to act as a coach to get you through a meeting with your spouse.
  • You can work with a child specialist to help address concerns about a parenting plan. 

With the consent of your spouse, these professionals can also attend the mediation session(s).

It will still be difficult, but I believe that mediation is more likely to provide a process that helps you move forward more quickly and an outcome that is in the best interests of both of you.

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (140) | Divorce (131) | Separation (48) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Communication (11) | Litigation (11) | Child Support (11) | Conflict (10) | Separation Agreement (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Parenting Plan (7) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Consultation (7) | Parenting (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Assets (5) | Children (5) | Finances (4) | Family (4) | Agreement (4) | Settlement (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Expenses (4) | Marital Property (4) | Separate Property (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Clients (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Parent Coordinator (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Emotions (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Relationships (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Negotiation (3) | Blended Families (3) | Listening (3) | Family Court (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Responsibility (3) | Compromise (3) | Inheritance (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Estate (2) | Fairness (2) | Will (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Apology (2) | Humanity (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | Anxiety (2) | Budgets (2) | Entitlement (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Pandemic (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Attitude (2) | Mediate (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Grace (2) | College Expenses (2) | Spouse (2) | Step-Children (2) | Bitterness (2) | Couples (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Agreements (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Anger (2) | Step-Father (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Truth (2) | Custody (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Budget (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Seperation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Legislation (2) | Change (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Languish (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Depression (1) | Thrive (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Opposites (1) | Personality (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Advocacy (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Perspective (1) | Regrets (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Coparenting (1) | Empowerment (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Pensions (1) | Retirement (1) | Pension Plans (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Legal Rights (1) | CoParenting (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Transition Day (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Impartiality (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Expectations (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Concession (1) | Support (1) | Hope (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Postnup (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Speak Up (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Cancer (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Support Connection (1) | Significant Others (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Meditation (1) | Buyout (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Inflation (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Consulting (1) | Active Listening (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Collaboration (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Bonuses (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | ADR (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Pension (1) | Real Estate (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Disagreements (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Unmarried (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Contentment (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Kindness (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Mediation Process (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Happiness (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Compassion (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Conflicy (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Fall (1) | Extremes (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Therapy (1) | Dreaming (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Specialist (1) | Relocation (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Control (1) | Balance (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Grandparents (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Abundance (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Equality (1) | Blame (1) | Advice (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Wife (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Apologizing (1) | But (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Fiancé (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Guilt (1) | Separating (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Career Change (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Public Trust (1) | Lies (1) | Spouses (1) | Dishonest (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Time To Process (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Seller (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Refinance (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Buyer (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Mediating Onine (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.