914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

The Power of Acknowledgment

September 27, 2016  | 

{3:42 minutes to read} Dog training was never a strong suit for my husband or me, but our new dog, Toby, proved to be in desperate need of some consistent direction and attention. We hired a trainer to come to the house. I also dug out all of our training books and searched online for new techniques when some of the things we were doing didn’t seem to suit Toby or me.

One of the biggest challenges was walking him. We live in a pretty quiet neighborhood, but any sound, a car or, heaven forbid, child on a tricycle, made Toby so skittish. Once he got past his zone of comfort (two houses down the block), he began to pull back toward home and would bark like crazy at pretty much everything.

I was told that walking with a halter harness around his nose would help keep him calm and at my side, but he hated it so much that I couldn’t use it. He continued to pull and not stay along my left side, as I had been instructed was the proper way to walk a dog.

Finally, I came upon a website that resounded for me (and ultimately Toby). It provided that if your dog doesn’t like walking, maybe it’s because it isn’t fun for him. It suggested that unless you are entering a dog show, let your dog wander, run and sniff as he wants, and use constant treats and praise to acknowledge his doing a good job for literally everything he does correctly.

So, armed with tiny dog treats, we set out. As soon as we reached the end of his comfort zone, I encouraged him with a treat and praised him, letting him walk wherever he wanted. He did a little run on the grass alongside me and got another treat and praise. When he got scared and barked or if he pulled me, I stopped; and when he calmed down, I gave another treat and praise, and so it went. Little by little, he began walking with me like the other people walking with their dogs that I always envied. And he enjoyed it.

The treats have stopped, but he continues to receive an energetic "good boy” in acknowledgment of everything he does correctly.

Acknowledgment works with people, too. Think about the smile that comes to someone’s face when you tell them they did a good job and that you appreciate their efforts.

I see it with my clients as well. In the midst of a contentious mediation, there is nothing more striking than when a client says with sincerity, “He is a good father,” or “We’ve been able to save so much because she is so on top of our finances.”

We all want to be acknowledged for our efforts. It makes a powerful difference to the person hearing it, especially when an acknowledgment arises in the face of conflict.

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (128) | Divorce (119) | Separation (36) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Communication (10) | Conflict (10) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Co-Parenting (7) | Consultation (7) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Parenting (6) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Parenting Plan (5) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Agreement (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Family (4) | Finances (4) | Settlement (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Expenses (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Separate Property (4) | Relationships (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Emotions (3) | Listening (3) | Family Court (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Blended Families (3) | Responsibility (3) | Clients (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Marital Property (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Negotiation (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Spouse (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Attitude (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Step-Father (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Apology (2) | College Expenses (2) | Step-Children (2) | Will (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Grace (2) | Bitterness (2) | Entitlement (2) | Budgets (2) | Anger (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Pandemic (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Law Professionals (2) | Mediate (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Inheritance (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Anxiety (2) | CDFA (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Humanity (2) | Agreements (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Truth (2) | Budget (2) | Compromise (2) | Couples (2) | Seperation (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Estate (2) | Mediating Emails (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Communicating (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Concession (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Depression (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Legal Rights (1) | CoParenting (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Advocacy (1) | Empowerment (1) | Active Listening (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Pensions (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Languish (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Thrive (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Retirement (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Transition Day (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Significant Others (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Separating (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Eldercare (1) | Older Adults (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Custody Determination (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Speak Up (1) | Expectations (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Real Estate (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Collaboration (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Inflation (1) | Buyout (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Being Understood (1) | Commitment (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Postnup (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Consulting (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Support (1) | Hope (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Support Connection (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Fairness (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Meditation (1) | Parent Coordinator (1) | Contentment (1) | Pension (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | ADR (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Coparenting (1) | Perspective (1) | Opposites (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Disagreements (1) | Kindness (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Happiness (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Guilt (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Personality (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Married Couples (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Contribution (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Husband (1) | Wife (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Joint Account (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Advice (1) | Blame (1) | Specialist (1) | Dogs (1) | Mental Health (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Relocation (1) | Change (1) | New York State (1) | Control (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Equality (1) | Balance (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Living Together (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Conflicy (1) | Payments (1) | Extremes (1) | Fall (1) | Marriage (1) | House (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Abundance (1) | Resolution (1) | Equity (1) | Scarcity (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | But (1) | Fiancé (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Apologizing (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Significant Other (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | Attitudes (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Dishonest (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Spouses (1) | Work Stress (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Time To Process (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Seller (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Refinance (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Buyer (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Power Of Regret (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.