Why Some Mediations May Take Longer Than Others

July 27, 2018 |

{3:00 minutes to read} I’ve had clients who completed their mediation and signed an agreement in a few months and others who take years to complete a mediation. While complexity and the amount of conflict surely play a role, there are clearly other factors in play.

Not ready for the process yet.

It’s unusual for both parties to be in the same place in terms of accepting the end of the relationship. That said, both may agree to move forward with the separation because one of them wants to divorce, and they proceed at a normal pace. Others, though, even with a mutual agreement to begin to mediate, may only schedule meetings sporadically, with neither spouse pushing it.

As long as the delay is mutual, the pace is up to the clients. However, it becomes a problem when one wants to move more quickly than the other, which itself can become another issue to mediate. (I’m Ready to Get Divorced But My Spouse Isn’t)

A problem that seems overwhelming.

Sometimes, the passage of time can help to resolve what appears to be an unsolvable situation. I’m not sure if it’s even deliberate on the part of the clients, but putting the mediation on hold has helped some clients find resolution. For example, maintaining the status quo by living together and combining incomes can help to resolve a question of how to separate when one is unemployed, or there is too much debt to afford to live separately. Obviously, delay doesn’t work in all cases, and would definitely not be viable when it’s intolerable for the parties to live together. For some clients, however, putting things on hold can help.

Life happens.

It may be that the clients are getting along well, have no issues with paying their expenses (even if they are living in separate households), and are managing sharing time with their children without any conflict. Finalizing their separation is important and both know they will not be reconciling, but completing an agreement is not as urgent to them as other pressing matters.

As the mediator, I will follow up with clients from time to time to see how things are going, if they are ready to schedule, and if the delay continues to be mutual. At the same time, I recognize that the timetable is one of the many determinations that are in the purview of the clients.

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

« Return to Blog

Comments

Search

Topics

Mediation (142) | Divorce (132) | Separation (49) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Communication (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Conflict (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Consultation (7) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Parenting Plan (7) | Parenting (7) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Marital Home (6) | Assets (5) | Children (5) | Family (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Separate Property (4) | Expenses (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Property (4) | Agreement (4) | Finances (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Blended Families (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Family Court (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Compromise (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Clients (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Parent Coordinator (3) | Listening (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Responsibility (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Relationships (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Negotiation (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Emotions (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Fairness (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Inheritance (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Will (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | College Expenses (2) | Apology (2) | Estate (2) | Anger (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Mediate (2) | Budgets (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Entitlement (2) | Step-Father (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Pandemic (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Spouse (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Attitude (2) | Anxiety (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Bitterness (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Seperation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Couples (2) | Budget (2) | Legislation (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Change (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Agreements (2) | Step-Children (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Truth (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Custody (2) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Retirement (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Child-focused (1) | Pensions (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | ADR (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Pension (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Impartiality (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Advocacy (1) | Empowerment (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Personality (1) | Coparenting (1) | Perspective (1) | Opposites (1) | CoParenting (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Transition Day (1) | Well-being (1) | Child Wellbeing (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Eldercare (1) | Older Adults (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Income Level (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Depression (1) | Languish (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Expectations (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Thrive (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Consulting (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Significant Others (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Regrets (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Hope (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Speak Up (1) | Buyout (1) | Inflation (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Real Estate (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Meditation (1) | Concession (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Active Listening (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Support Connection (1) | Cancer (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Disagreements (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | Ideas (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Kindness (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Bonuses (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Judge (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Court (1) | Happiness (1) | Contentment (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Collaboration (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Being Heard (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | File A Petition (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Unmarried (1) | Commissions (1) | Court Order (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Transmutation (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Extremes (1) | Unemployment (1) | Moving On (1) | College (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Husband (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Joint Account (1) | Fall (1) | Conflicy (1) | Equality (1) | Balance (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Year In Review (1) | Self-talk (1) | Advice (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Mental Health (1) | Specialist (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Relocation (1) | New York (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Summer (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Kids (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Halloween (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Scarcity (1) | Abundance (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | Living Together (1) | Living Apart (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | COVID19 (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Fiancé (1) | But (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Apologizing (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Guilt (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | MediationSession (1) | Dishonest (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Spouses (1) | Work Stress (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Refinance (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Buyer (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Seller (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Caucus (1) |

Connect

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.