914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Why You Still Need Mediation Even If You Settled Everything

April 30, 2021  | 
Hand with marker writing text

{4 minutes to read} I often receive phone calls from potential clients telling me that they have settled everything and just want me to write up their agreement. When faced with this request, I explain that this is not what I do and why mediation would still be important even if they have discussed and agreed upon terms. 

Terms that were Not Addressed

Even if there are no minor children, it’s difficult to navigate through all of the terms that need to be considered in a Separation Agreement on your own. The concept of marital property in New York is very broad, and you may not have even addressed assets that, in New York, would be considered marital property. If a marital asset is not addressed at all in your agreement, not only have you given up a right which you didn’t know you had, but it can cause problems in the future if the enforceability of your agreement is challenged.
 
If you have minor children, the likelihood is even greater that there are issues that were not addressed. You’ve probably considered decision making, a schedule of access, holidays and vacations, but to have a comprehensive agreement we would also discuss relatively minor points such as transportation for access, document retention and sharing, changes to the schedule going forward, rules for cancellations and major things like what happens if one of you wants to relocate to a distant location. 
 

You May Not Be Aware of the Law

You can find New York’s child support and maintenance calculators online, but you may not know what to do about income over the caps. Or that a budget is the best way to determine if the support calculations will be appropriate in your case.

In terms of property, you may believe that something is separate or marital based upon what makes sense. However, that may not be the case in the sometimes arcane application of the Equitable Distribution law.

Of course, you may opt out of certain provisions of New York law, but you do need to know what the law provides before you can consider doing so and make an informed decision.

You May Not Have Thought about the Future

In mediation, you will be asked questions that will test what you have agreed upon against changing circumstances, such as: 

  • What will happen to support if one of you loses your job or makes significantly more money than you are making now?
  • What happens with your access plan as your child becomes older?

It is important that your Agreement encompass as much as possible in terms of changing circumstances so that you never have to return to mediation, or even worse, go to Court.

I think it can be helpful for clients to discuss some terms on their own if they are able to have productive discussions. Those discussions can enhance the mediation process, but they don’t replace it. Divorce Mediation is more than just agreeing on terms and writing them into a Separation Agreement. It is a process that ensures that you understand the legal and practical implications of the terms of your agreement, as well as both of you having your needs and interests met by those terms. 

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (142) | Divorce (132) | Separation (49) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Communication (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Conflict (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Consultation (7) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Parenting Plan (7) | Parenting (7) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Marital Home (6) | Assets (5) | Children (5) | Family (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Separate Property (4) | Expenses (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Property (4) | Agreement (4) | Finances (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Blended Families (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Family Court (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Compromise (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Clients (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Parent Coordinator (3) | Listening (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Responsibility (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Relationships (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Negotiation (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Emotions (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Fairness (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Inheritance (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Will (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | College Expenses (2) | Apology (2) | Estate (2) | Anger (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Mediate (2) | Budgets (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Entitlement (2) | Step-Father (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Pandemic (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Spouse (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Attitude (2) | Anxiety (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Bitterness (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Seperation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Couples (2) | Budget (2) | Legislation (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Change (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Agreements (2) | Step-Children (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Truth (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Custody (2) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Retirement (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Child-focused (1) | Pensions (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | ADR (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Pension (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Impartiality (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Advocacy (1) | Empowerment (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Personality (1) | Coparenting (1) | Perspective (1) | Opposites (1) | CoParenting (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Transition Day (1) | Well-being (1) | Child Wellbeing (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Eldercare (1) | Older Adults (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Income Level (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Depression (1) | Languish (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Expectations (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Thrive (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Consulting (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Significant Others (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Regrets (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Hope (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Speak Up (1) | Buyout (1) | Inflation (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Real Estate (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Meditation (1) | Concession (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Active Listening (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Support Connection (1) | Cancer (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Disagreements (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | Ideas (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Kindness (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Bonuses (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Judge (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Court (1) | Happiness (1) | Contentment (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Collaboration (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Being Heard (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | File A Petition (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Unmarried (1) | Commissions (1) | Court Order (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Transmutation (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Compassion (1) | Nesting (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Extremes (1) | Unemployment (1) | Moving On (1) | College (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Husband (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Joint Account (1) | Fall (1) | Conflicy (1) | Equality (1) | Balance (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Year In Review (1) | Self-talk (1) | Advice (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Mental Health (1) | Specialist (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Relocation (1) | New York (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Summer (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Kids (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Halloween (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Scarcity (1) | Abundance (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | Living Together (1) | Living Apart (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | COVID19 (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Fiancé (1) | But (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Apologizing (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Guilt (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | MediationSession (1) | Dishonest (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Spouses (1) | Work Stress (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Refinance (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Buyer (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Seller (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Caucus (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.