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Mediation Blog

January 8, 2020 - {4 minutes to read} When I’m being mindful of what I’m saying, I can stop myself from using the word “but” after I’ve just apologized to someone. I recognize how off-putting that can be to the person to whom I’ve just apologized, and that it effectively negates everything that I said before the but. When I really don’t believe I’m at fault, though, I may very well end up with an apology followed by “but I didn’ [...]

November 26, 2019 - {4 minutes to read}  You and your fiancé have discussed the terms that you would want in your prenuptial agreement. You seem to be in agreement, so you feel that there is nothing to mediate and don’t see the need for a mediator when you could just have your lawyer draft the agreement and your fiancé can have an attorney review it. So, why involve a third professional and incur an additional fee when nothing is really in dispute? You May Not Have [...]

November 13, 2019 -   Prenups illicit very negative reactions, but there are a lot of valid reasons why someone would want a prenup and it doesn't have to mean that they think that your marriage is doomed to fail. You are going to want your marriage to be a collaboration and mediation is a collaborative way to create a prenuptial agreement. [...]

October 29, 2019 -   To find out what you’re entitled to, you need to go to court. But going to court does not guarantee you will get what you want. When someone focuses on entitlement, there are usually some underlying emotions that need to be addressed. If those underlying emotions haven't been dealt with in a productive way, you're not going to be able to move forward in the positive way that you're looking for. [...]

September 25, 2019 - {4 minutes to read}  At a recent conference for divorce and family mediators that I attended, I heard a panel consisting of judges, hearing officers and law clerks speak to the reality of the court process. Here are some of the negative consequences they raised: Timeframe Although there are rules that say the entire process in New York County would be “trial ready” in less than a year after filing, the reality is that it could be two years or more to g [...]

September 11, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} Both the clients and the mediator want to be sure that the first meeting is productive, both because of the cost involved and because everyone wants to feel that something was accomplished and momentum is building. That’s why at the initial consultation I suggest clients to do the following before scheduling the first meeting: Review the checklist I provide. To the extent that it’s productive for them to do so, I suggest that clients [...]

August 7, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} Separating from someone you’ve loved, trusted, and who, most likely, was your best friend, is an incredibly scary concept on a deeply personal level. On top of that, you are also likely worrying about how this will affect your children, as well as how you will afford to pay your bills. It’s completely understandable that you’re concerned and frightened by both the process and the future. Add to that, how hard it would be to expre [...]

July 24, 2019 -   In my practice, I have found that one spouse is often prepared to move forward with a divorce, while the other may not have even come to terms with the fact that the marriage is ending, let alone be ready to discuss divorce. In this video, I outline a few suggestions that may help if you find yourself in a situation like this.  [...]

July 10, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} In my last video, I promised some creative win/win options that you could take when it came to the division of your home. Since they could be a little complicated and hard to follow, I thought it would be better to present them in a written blog.    Can’t Refinance Right Now Let’s say that you both agree that there will be a buyout and a refinance, but it will take some time for the “buyer” to qualify for a loan [...]

June 19, 2019 -   If you're going through a divorce and you own your home, that home is going to be looked at as an asset to be divided according to the laws of New York. To one or both parties, the marital home often means something more than just a place to live. It represents a sense of continuity and something that is familiar which can lead one or both of them to want to keep it. Would you want a court making this decision for you, or would you prefer an interest-based di [...]

June 5, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} In a previous post, I wrote about the enormous impact that a sincere apology could have on another person. There is, though, a very significant step that must come first. Taking Responsibility for Our Actions Sometimes, the intentions behind the words said or the actions taken are crystal clear, and it is impossible to say with any semblance of credibility — “I didn’t mean to do that.”   More often, though, it&rsquo [...]

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