April 6, 2022 -   I remember when I used to represent clients in adversarial settings long ago, I would have some clients who would win in the sense that they got what they wanted but they weren't happy. I also had some clients who settled, and they weren't too happy, either. Now, I am definitely not saying that all mediation clients are happy. Happiness is a tough concept when you're talking about the end of a relationship but I often see a level of contentment in mediation cli [...]

March 15, 2022 - In a matrimonial consultation, the attorney will give a lot of legal advice and information in a very lengthy meeting. My initial consultations are limited to a half-hour and all we do is talk about the process of mediation. In that meeting, the parties meet me and learn about how mediation works. Most people who call me are not familiar with mediation, and at such an emotionally fraught time in their lives, I can't imagine that they would want to embark upon a process [...]

March 3, 2022 - After my last video on grace, a colleague asked if I had any examples of parties showing grace in mediation. Actually, I have many but one from several years ago sticks out. The husband had done something that not only irreparably damaged the trust between the parties but also had a financial effect on the whole family. Even under those circumstances, the wife was able to show compassion and grace to the husband.     [...]

February 16, 2022 -   I became intrigued with the idea of grace after hearing an interview with Kirsten Powers about her book Saving Grace. A lot of what she said and wrote in the book really resonated with me. Especially in the last several years — we've been treating people with whom we disagree in terms of beliefs and ideas, not only with a lack of grace but with a lack of humanity. We just see them as the sum total of their ideas, as opposed to individuals with whom we may [...]

February 2, 2022 - No one can tell you how long your divorce will take. If you are litigating, you are at the mercy of your attorney’s schedule, your spouse’s attorney’s schedule, the judge’s timetable and the court’s agenda. This can increase the level of anxiety and uncertainty that you feel. In mediation, the timetable is up to you and your spouse. [...]

January 19, 2022 -   The term Add-On describes expenses that are in addition to the standard child support expenses. There are mandatory add-ons outlined in the New York Child Support Statute (CSSA) but what about all the little or not so little extra expenses such as extracurricular activities for the children, tutoring expenses, birthday party expenses, etc. This video discusses those expenses and offers several ways divorced parents may decide to address them.  [...]

January 7, 2022 -   When divorcing, determining the income base for child support can be tricky, especially if your income changes from year to year, or is not consistent due to commissions and/or bonuses. This video outlines a couple of approaches that can help you figure out the most effective way to deal with income fluctuations. [...]

December 16, 2021 - {4 minutes to read} The most typical way a pension is divided would be through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). A QDRO provides that, at retirement, the marital portion of the pension will be divided in the way that you have agreed upon in your Separation Agreement, usually 50%. The marital portion is the part that accumulated during the marriage. But you’re in mediation, so you don’t have to do what is typically done. Especially if the QDRO does [...]

December 2, 2021 -   Family Court Mediation is a topic I’ve never spoken about, but I have been working with clients in Family Court recently. Family Court is a very busy court and takes many months and years to get through the process. Mediation is a much more streamlined process. First, mediate, but if you are already involved in Family Court ask about mediation and see if you can get into the Family Court Presumptive ADR Program.   [...]

November 18, 2021 -   Couples with opposite personality traits may thrive as one’s style is countered by the opposite style. When they divorce, the characteristics that attracted them to one another can now seem annoying and negative. Discussing between yourselves can lead to fights, but mediation can allow you to frame your differences in more positive ways. [...]

October 29, 2021 -   If one party takes their separate property and puts it toward a jointly owned home, they may be entitled, by NY law, to a separate property credit when divorcing. This can be difficult because people don't lead their married lives in anticipation of getting a divorce, so the separate property credit can have both practical and emotional consequences. [...]

October 11, 2021 -   When you involve a consulting attorney, you want one who is a proponent of mediation. One who will help you acquire the skills and tools to advocate for yourself. The discussion in mediation can then be more mutual and result in terms that are more reasonable. In mediation, parties are empowered by making their own decisions and being an advocate for themselves. [...]