Divorce and family mediation news, insights and experiences.

https://youtu.be/YR5Hs9bcyP4 This video highlights the negative impact of using "but" in apologies and discussions. When someone sincerely apologizes, then adds...

https://youtu.be/Cs82b15R54E If your divorce mediation is on pause because your spouse needs time to process the separation, here are steps...

https://youtu.be/D2GiWBSS6hY If you're struggling with separation during a divorce mediation pause, consider seeking additional support. If you're in therapy, ask...

https://youtu.be/qbM3pBPT7b8 Taking a break from divorce mediation can sometimes help a couple to progress. Recently, a couple struggled to move...

https://youtu.be/IxklOji5Sug If your divorce mediation feels stalled despite progressing at your desired pace, consider taking a break. Often, decision-making challenges...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r91aJlXVOXw If you're spending a holiday without your kids, consider recreating a holiday experience when your kids return. Wear pajamas,...

https://youtu.be/IGTli5R57A4 When co-parents express a desire to spend holidays together, it's often a positive sign, especially for the children. However,...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPVwkukUxGs The complexities of holiday scheduling for separated parents can be overwhelming. In mediation, parents can choose a particular holiday...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D3VqcUazPU This video shares insights for separated parents on creating holiday schedules that accommodate both parties. It begins with a...

https://youtu.be/izJjPKw1eDE Couples should use caution when considering drafting their separation agreement. While it might seem cost-effective, mediators provide more than...

https://youtu.be/PBkm2z0uHF0 Three key points for couples considering a prenuptial agreement: 1. Mediation over Adversarial Processes2. Start Early3. Clear Communication Mediation...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzA5vm6GANo In mediation, instead of making proposals based on the co-parent you want your spouse to become, focus on the...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O8uxBw1pig&t=5s In some cases, people going through a divorce may need to re-enter the job market, especially if spousal support...

https://youtu.be/fBn2sex1rzg?si=k9sQaJ669QJ_D2rm Including a cost of living adjustment (COLA) in a separation agreement for future child support modifications can be beneficial...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZHeg-aX0JQ This video discusses using income averaging to determine child support when income fluctuates yearly. Averaging a few years of...

How do you handle child support in cases where employment bonuses vary significantly from year to year? By creating accurate...

There is a statute in New York that allows you to file a petition in court to modify your child...

Mediation can help resolve co-parenting conflicts, especially those involving individualized education plans (IEP). Mediation can assist you in reaching a...

  There is a common misconception that ending a marriage signifies failure. From her extensive experience with clients and friends,...

  In my latest video, I discuss the surprising benefits of taking a deliberate break during divorce mediation. From emotional...

  How can considerable separate assets owned by one spouse impact the equitable distribution of marital property? In mediation, it's...

  Clare Piro, a family and divorce mediator and attorney, advises against pressuring a spouse into choosing a mediator they...

  Clare Piro, a family and divorce mediator and attorney, emphasizes the importance of creating a child-focused parenting plan rather...

  In this video, Clare introduces the idea of using objective standards to evaluate a separation agreement, especially when spouses...

  In this video, Clare discusses why, even when asked, she refrains from providing a subjective judgment on whether a...

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus is credited with the idea that the only constant in life is change. Or to put...

  Most divorces involve long-term marriages where there are many assets and possibly children to be considered. But what about...

If you're concerned that you and your co-parent will have some difficulty in implementing the terms of your parenting plan,...

  In this video, I reflect on the end of the year, sharing my unique approach to the New Year....

  Although living separately without a legal agreement may seem easier than going through a divorce, two major pitfalls can...

  We all have regrets — words and actions we would like to take back, but can’t. However, this blog...

  It is usually a wise practice to have an attorney review the separation agreement worked out during the mediation...

The past couple of videos have dealt with mediating your divorce if there are trust issues with your spouse. The...

  In my last video, we explored the viability of mediating if you can not trust your spouse. In this...

  You would think that a lack of trust would definitely make your mediation really tough, if not impossible, but...

  Pay maintenance in a very short-term marriage? Pay the same amount of maintenance even when income is decreased? Pay...

  As a significant other who went through the process of being introduced to my husband’s family, I feel I...

  There are times in mediation when you may want to speak with the mediator about an issue like the...

  Are you feeling like something is a little off in your mediation? This video advises you to bring it...

  Having very different ideas about the value of your home can create difficulties when you try to sell. Including...

  If you're talking about jointly owning your home after your divorce, you want to factor into your agreement a...

A couple of topics came up in a peer group that I run for divorce mediators that took the discussion...

  Have you spent time thinking about mediation and what it will be like? Are you concerned that mediation may...

  There has been lots of noise on the internet lately about drafting your own separation agreement. Some couples have...

  In this video, I address whether guilt belongs in divorce mediation. Consider several factors: thoroughly evaluating the agreement and...

  If one party doesn't believe they are receiving what they're entitled to and the other party doesn’t agree to...

  The previous article in this series looked at how a partial buyout might help resolve the issue of today’s...

  My last article spoke about how high mortgage interest rates could complicate a buyout in your divorce mediation. In...

This article is the beginning of a series about the disposition of the marital home for couples with children. When...

  Going through a divorce isn’t an easy thing and there are times when you can’t sleep worrying about it....

  I had a couple who came to mediation from family court. They worked through all the issues of their...

  Do you find yourself using a very negative voice that speaks to you in a way that you would...

  A prenuptial agreement isn't in itself fair or unfair — It depends on what the terms are. There are...

  No couple gets married expecting to be divorced, but when creating a prenuptial agreement most couples decide to include...

  It’s that time of year when ghosts and goblins abound, scaring the kids and sometimes the adults as well....

  In New York, there is a statute that gives a surviving spouse the right to elect against the Will...

  Prenups get a bad rap, but there are times when they may be appropriate. This video looks at some...

{3 minutes to read} If you and your spouse have a lot of conflict between you, you're going to want...

  So, what is a sunset clause? By definition, it means that after a defined period of time, the clause...

Sometimes there isn’t a lot of conflict between you and your spouse, and you feel that you won’t have any...

  This video is about hope and the support that my friend Julie received from the group Support Connection, prior...

  In a recent video, available on my website, I described what, in addition to having a signed separation agreement,...

  As is often the answer to questions like this, it depends. In this case, however, the answer may depend...

  While marriage is the usual path when two people are in love and want to live together, some couples...

{3 minutes to read} When I meet with clients who will have difficulty in making joint decisions about their children...

  I remember when I used to represent clients in adversarial settings long ago, I would have some clients who...

In a matrimonial consultation, the attorney will give a lot of legal advice and information in a very lengthy meeting....

After my last video on grace, a colleague asked if I had any examples of parties showing grace in mediation....

  I became intrigued with the idea of grace after hearing an interview with Kirsten Powers about her book Saving...

No one can tell you how long your divorce will take. If you are litigating, you are at the mercy...

  The term Add-On describes expenses that are in addition to the standard child support expenses. There are mandatory add-ons...

  When divorcing, determining the income base for child support can be tricky, especially if your income changes from year...

{4 minutes to read} The most typical way a pension is divided would be through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order...

  Family Court Mediation is a topic I’ve never spoken about, but I have been working with clients in Family...

  Couples with opposite personality traits may thrive as one’s style is countered by the opposite style. When they divorce,...

  If one party takes their separate property and puts it toward a jointly owned home, they may be entitled,...

  When you involve a consulting attorney, you want one who is a proponent of mediation. One who will help...

  You're going through a separation and your communication with your co-parent is awful. You fight about everything. You're wondering:...

  If your spouse has some financial or legal knowledge that you don't, you may feel at a disadvantage in...

  There are many special occasions to share in your life and the lives of your children. When divorcing, however,...

  Strong emotions can arise when you are talking about distributing a pension. By explaining why each of you feels...

  To the extent that your pension was accumulated during the marriage, it would be treated like any other assets...

  Since I recorded this video two weeks ago and now at posting, NY is opening up! Despite this great...

{3 minutes to read} The idea of a prenuptial agreement is familiar to most people — an agreement that a...

{4 minutes to read} I often receive phone calls from potential clients telling me that they have settled everything and...

{3 minutes to read} I understand that there are some mediators in favor of mediation via email. Those that I...

My previous two videos on Child Inclusive Mediation discussed the child interview and the parent meeting. In this video, we...

  In this video, we discuss the step when the child consultant comes into the mediation and speaks to the...

  You probably haven't heard about Child Inclusive Mediation because it's not that prevalent in the United States. In Australia,...

If you're concerned that you and your co-parent will have some difficulty in implementing the terms of your parenting plan,...

{2 minutes to read} Like everyone else in the world, I looked forward to 2021 and the opportunity to put...

{4 minutes to read} The other day a friend told me about a conflict she was having with another person...

{4 minutes to read} I recently attended a virtual lecture presented by Maryellen Dance, LMHC from Rochester, NY, focusing on...

If you find yourself in the situation with your parent needing to leave their home because you think it's not...

{4 minutes to read} When I’m working with parents and we are discussing what each proposes for a parenting plan,...

{3 minutes to read} I know that it has been a constant refrain of mine that budgets are vital in...

{3 minutes to read} In an earlier post, I described the benefits of using a financial professional who acts as...

  When divorcing, some couples become somewhat obsessed about splitting everything evenly. When it comes to the kids, a 50/50...

{3 minutes to read} Now that you have decided on the access schedule you will use in your equal parenting...

{3 minutes to read} Reaching the agreement that you both want to share substantially equal time with your children is...

{3 minutes to read} Since New York on PAUSE went into effect, parties have been mediating virtually — either online...

  Though the end of year holidays may be long over when this video is published, those holidays prompted my...

{3 minutes to read} I recently read an article in the New York Times by Dhruv Khullar, MD, in which...

{3 minutes to read} As a divorce mediator, it’s not surprising that I work with many couples who experience a...

{3 minutes to read and listen} It’s nearly impossible to consider any kind of opportunity that could exist during this...

{4 minutes to read} As I’m writing this on March 30, 2020, the Courts in New York State are open...

{7 minutes to read}  As is the same for all of us now, we are struggling to maintain a sense...

Mediation may not be appropriate for everybody but could be the right process for you. Unfortunately, many people dismiss it...

{4 minutes to read} Are all family disputes the same? Of course not. Divorce mediation is different from mediation involving...

In this video, the last of the series on Equitable Distribution, we look at the implications of the statute to...

  In my last video, I mentioned marital property as a part of the discussion of Equitable Distribution. In this...

There are 14 factors that are used by courts and attorneys to determine an equitable distribution of marital assets. In...

{4 minutes to read} When I’m being mindful of what I’m saying, I can stop myself from using the word...

{4 minutes to read}  In other posts, I’ve often touted the benefits of working with a financial professional, either together...

{4 minutes to read}  You and your fiancé have discussed the terms that you would want in your prenuptial agreement....

  Prenups illicit very negative reactions, but there are a lot of valid reasons why someone would want a prenup...

  To find out what you’re entitled to, you need to go to court. But going to court does not...

{4 minutes to read}  At a recent conference for divorce and family mediators that I attended, I heard a panel...

{3:30 minutes to read} Both the clients and the mediator want to be sure that the first meeting is productive,...

{3:30 minutes to read} Separating from someone you’ve loved, trusted, and who, most likely, was your best friend, is an...

  In my practice, I have found that one spouse is often prepared to move forward with a divorce, while...

{3:30 minutes to read} In my last video, I promised some creative win/win options that you could take when it...

  If you're going through a divorce and you own your home, that home is going to be looked at...

{3:30 minutes to read} In a previous post, I wrote about the enormous impact that a sincere apology could have...

  One of the aspects of divorce is the creation of “blended families” when there is remarriage afterwards that includes...

{3:00 minutes to read} One of the things you will be asked to address in mediation is what, if any,...

  In the past, as a lawyer it was very uncommon for me to either attend a mediation with a...

{3:30 minutes to read} There are two diametrically opposed views as to the value of an attorney versus a mediator....

{3:00 minutes to read} I’m writing this after a particularly stressful December. I anticipated that the rush to complete separation...

{4:00 minutes to read} In his book Lying, Sam Harris explains how a seminar he took as an undergraduate led...

{3:00 minutes to read} In many cases, clients decide to separate as a mutual decision and come to mediation without...

{3:30 minutes to read} My knowledge of bankruptcy law is based upon what I learned in law school a very...

{3:30 minutes to read} It is likely that mediation can result in a negotiated agreement even if you mediate after...

{3:30 minutes to read} I had a meeting recently with a couple, and when they left, I felt sure they...

{3:00 minutes to read} It’s an admonition that many a Hallmark holiday movie has been based upon  ---    "Be Careful...

{3:00 minutes to read} In the last post, I addressed the designation of beneficiaries of your life insurance in order...

{4:00 minutes to read} Life insurance is not a topic most people are eager to speak about, let alone if...

{3:40 minutes to read} There is a mindfulness meditation that I enjoy doing that focuses on the inner critic we...

{3:30 minutes to read} I tend not to use the word “settle” with clients in mediation. Although to settle is...

{3:42 minutes to read}  One of the major benefits of mediation is that parties make the decisions about their lives...

{3:00 minutes to read}  I’ve had clients who completed their mediation and signed an agreement in a few months and...

{4:00 minutes to read}  After a divorce, many somewhat routine aspects of your life will be changing. It may be...

{3:00 minutes to read}  Why would you want to continue living together with your ex after you sign a separation...

{2:42 minutes to read}  As a divorce mediator, I certainly expect to have clients express strong emotions, including anger. But...

{4:00 minutes to read}  Separating is a painful and emotionally draining process. Needlessly prolonging the process will only add to...

{4:00 minutes to read} The mutual goal to reduce the financial costs of a separation is a primary motivation for...

{4:30 minutes to read}  Over the years I’ve been mediating, I’ve been asked by potential clients if the following concerns...

{3:42 minutes to read} It’s clear that until an agreement is signed, the tentative agreements you make along the way...

{3:42 minutes to read} Interim agreements are agreements that determine certain terms before the parties sign a comprehensive separation agreement....

{3:48 minutes to read} In New York, we refer to “joint legal custody” as joint decision making in which neither...

{1:00 minute to read} My colleagues, Dr. Jeff Zimmerman and Dr. Lauren Behrman, posted an article on how your children...

{3:48 minutes to read} While the New York Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) is not perfect, it does provide a...

{3:06 minutes to read} The concept of hope has been on my mind since a good friend recently told me...

{4:06 minutes to read} “We don’t need to mediate–we agreed to everything already and just want you to write it...

{3:42 minutes to read} I was talking to a colleague recently about a mediation. She was surprised that it took...

{3:42 minutes to read} It’s perfectly normal for most married couples to live their lives without knowledge of the intricacies...

{4:12 minutes to read} As I described in Part I of this post, it’s not unusual to feel completely overwhelmed...

{3:24 minutes to read} So, you just learned that your spouse had an affair, or you receive an unexpected request...

{3:18 minutes to read} In my past life advocating for clients in an adversarial process, getting to the point of...

{4:18 minutes to read} I’ve heard many complaints regarding divorce mediation: “It might be okay for simple matters but not...

{4:00 minutes to read} I recently heard an interview of Connie Shultz, the spouse of Sen. Sherrod Brown of Ohio....

{3:54 minutes to read} After working with a couple who had particularly good communication skills and consequently had achieved an...

{4:24 minutes to read} Nesting is a shared parenting concept that allows the children to stay in the marital home...

{3:54 minutes to read} I just returned from the annual gathering of the NYS Conference on Divorce Mediation. This is...

{3:06 minutes to read} In the previous part of this series, we looked at parental considerations in relation to a...

{3:18 minutes to read} In Part 1 of this series, we looked at parental considerations in relation to a child’s...

{4:00 minutes to read} Certain children’s expenses must be paid in addition to child support, according to the child support...

{4:00 minutes to read} I often caution clients against including language in their agreement which is basically just an agreement...

{3:36 minutes to read} I recently attended a panel discussion on how to determine income in a matrimonial mediation. The...

{3:48 minutes to read} While the history of a client’s relationship is obviously relevant to them, its relevance to the...

{3:24 minutes to read} I thought it was interesting that the Personal Health columnist for the New York Times, Dr....

{3:24 minutes to read} One question that I’m asked by clients fairly often is, “Do you think I should accept...

{3:48 minutes to read} Unfortunately, people who are getting divorced are not exempt from downsizing, market fluctuations, facility closings, etc....

{3:54 minutes to read} I met recently with a couple (I’ll call them “Mary” and “John”) to review their Separation...

{3:12 minutes to read} There are so many sources of information available to someone in the process of divorce: Attorney...

While they may ultimately be good for you, most resolutions: Losing weight; Getting more organized; Cleaning up the basement; Exercising;...

{4:00 minutes to read} In New York, case law provides that when parents share equal physical custody of the children,...

{3:18 minutes to read} After my initial mediation training, I developed a sense of why I thought clients would choose...

{3:54 minutes to read} Since I write so often about the benefits of mediation, I think it’s time that I...

{3.36 minutes to read} I try to avoid jargon when working with clients. When I’m not successful, it’s easy to...

{3:42 minutes to read} A couple of years ago, I was a member of a panel discussion regarding client intake...

{3:12 minutes to read} My first ritual of the fall entails my husband and I getting a flu shot, going...

{3:42 minutes to read} Dog training was never a strong suit for my husband or me, but our new dog,...

{3:54 minutes to read} When I litigated, there were two times of year when I would receive quite a few...

{2:36 minutes to read} I am one of those people who enjoys the changing of the seasons, even when it...

{3:30 minutes to read} When I began practicing family law, one of the first lessons I learned was that clients...

{3:48 minutes to read} Even before the enactment of New York’s post-divorce maintenance statute, most mediators and attorneys worked with...

{3:24 minutes to read} As with most people, there are some challenges that I welcome, and some that I dread....

{3:36 minutes to read} I would have answered this question as “abundance,” which I suspect might be a common response....

{3:12 minutes to read} Having been raised by a mother who once heard an ambulance and acted upon the belief...

{4:18 minutes to read} As Lesley Stahl was making the rounds on various talk shows, promoting her new book, Becoming...

{3:48 minutes to read} Courts are now required to consider the following factor, among many others, in making a maintenance...

{3:24 minutes to read} I attended a mediation workshop that focused on the various ways that a mediator can address...

{3:48 minutes to read} As someone who is making a sincere effort to be mindful and present, and also as...

{3:12 minutes to read} After watching the umpteenth presidential debate, you can imagine why I started to think about civility...

A departure from my other posts, and one that I hope will resonate with you. Most people wanting to adopt...

{3:54 minutes to read} Clients in initial consultations are sometimes hesitant to begin mediation because of: Fear the other will...

{3:48 minutes to read} When comparing mediated and litigated agreements, the first thought that comes to mind is that a...

{2:48 minutes to read} Budgets are not fun – composing them, living on them and even just having to think...

{3:12 minutes to read} In the summer of 2015, the New York legislature passed a statute providing for post-divorce maintenance....

{3:36 minutes to read} If you were to ask any parent if, under any circumstance, he or she would want...

{3:30 minutes to read} After hearing Katty Kay speak about the book written by her and Claire Shipman, The Confidence...

{2:42 minutes to read} Around this time of year, most people are considering resolutions for the new year. I never...

{3:00 minutes to read}    Previously, I wrote about the benefit to parents in using a child specialist.  In this...

{3:18 minutes to read} I am attending a series of workshops for mediators who are interested in practicing mindfulness tools...

{3:55 minutes to read} We all tend to adapt a story in retelling it.  It’s mostly small points, but sometimes...

{4:00 minutes to read} Recently I received a notice of a Continuing Legal Education course sponsored by a bar association on...

{3:36 minutes to read} In a previous post, I discussed the difficulty faced by a mediator when he or she...

{3:24 minutes to read} When I mentioned to a friend that I loved the balance poses in yoga the best,...

{3:30 minutes to read} I always stress the importance of the client's right of control in a mediated matter versus the...

{3 minutes to read}  It’s rare that I don’t have a mediation in which at least one of the participants...

{3:48 minutes to read} This question is the subject of many a treatise, panel discussion, informal debate among mediators, and...

{3:36 minutes to read}   When I practiced family law in an adversarial setting, I always felt a little guilty...

{3:24 minutes to read} Depending on your situation, resolving your parenting plan can be the simplest or most difficult part...

{3:36 minutes to read} I have to say that some variation on that question is often asked of me by...

{3:36 minutes to read}  New York enacted a statute several years ago to put some clarity into the process of...

{3:42 minutes to read} Imagine that you’ve been living separately under your agreement for a few years and are co-parenting...

{3:48 minutes to read}   We often use and hear the term “best interests of the children.” You would imagine...

{3:30 minutes to read} To some, including me, the equity in a house is just like any other asset. I...

“I don't care; I just want to get this over with.” {3:45 minutes to read} When those words are spoken...

{2:50 minutes to read} I am fortunate enough to say that I am not a child of divorce. Since I...

{3:30 minutes to read} . Do we choose our profession because of our basic personality, or does our profession cause...

{2:50 minutes to read}  We all approach situations differently. Some, when confronted with a problem will attack it in a...

{2:50 minutes to read} Clients can become exasperated by all of my “what if” questions as I try to provide...

Though mediation is a less contentious way to divorce, there are still some myths that keep people from taking advantage...

[Time to Read: 3.9 mins]While it’s hard for most people going through a divorce to imagine dating again, it’s more...

[Time to Read: 4.1 mins] At the initial consultation, clients often express concern that within the process of mediation they...

In my last blog, I wrote about how a mediation can begin if one spouse isn’t quite as prepared to...

It’s rare in my practice for both parties to be in the same frame of mind about getting a divorce....

As much as I try, it’s almost impossible to simply enjoy a holiday for itself. We are bombarded around the...

There are so many issues that a divorcing couple must face: How to tell the children Where will each live...

I love Halloween, and I love being scared. Scary can be fun when it’s within your control, like I am...

The definitions of anger and bitterness are similar: Anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Bitterness: anger and...

How does the Child Support Standards Act (“CSSA”) work in mediation? First, you will need to discuss whether or not...

I remember when the Child Support Standards Act (“CSSA”) was adopted in New York in 1989. It was a radical...

It’s not unusual for couples to discuss and agree upon an outline for a parenting plan before they begin mediation....

I remember when the CSSA was adopted in New York in 1989. It was a radical departure from how child...

One of the things that I emphasize with clients is that an important part of the mediation process is to...

Admittedly, it is uncomfortable to raise the idea of signing a pre-nuptial agreement with the person with whom you have...

Previously, I wrote about how a mediation can begin if one spouse isn’t quite as prepared to divorce as the...

It’s rare in my practice for both parties to be in the same frame of mind about getting a divorce....

One of the most fascinating aspects of mediation is how the process can transform someone who feels reticent or insecure...

There are so many issues that a divorcing couple must face–how to tell the children, where will each live, whether...

Even though mediation is a process in which the parties themselves make an agreement that works best for them and...

As a mediator, I do not insist that my clients use review or consulting attorneys as a matter of course....

With the drastic cuts in funding to the Courts in New York State, what had been a long, expensive and...

You may be aware that New York State adopted a statute in October regarding the calculation of temporary maintenance at...

It is very difficult in New York State to be successful in a Court action to set aside an agreement...

Some people are afraid that if they do not hire a lawyer, they will not receive everything to which they...

If that were true, there would be no need to mediate. Of course people who disagree can mediate, just like...

If you and your spouse have decided that you need to separate, it would seem that the last thing you...