September 25, 2019 - {4 minutes to read}  At a recent conference for divorce and family mediators that I attended, I heard a panel consisting of judges, hearing officers and law clerks speak to the reality of the court process. Here are some of the negative consequences they raised: Timeframe Although there are rules that say the entire process in New York County would be “trial ready” in less than a year after filing, the reality is that it could be two years or more to g [...]

September 11, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} Both the clients and the mediator want to be sure that the first meeting is productive, both because of the cost involved and because everyone wants to feel that something was accomplished and momentum is building. That’s why at the initial consultation I suggest clients to do the following before scheduling the first meeting: Review the checklist I provide. To the extent that it’s productive for them to do so, I suggest that clients [...]

August 7, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} Separating from someone you’ve loved, trusted, and who, most likely, was your best friend, is an incredibly scary concept on a deeply personal level. On top of that, you are also likely worrying about how this will affect your children, as well as how you will afford to pay your bills. It’s completely understandable that you’re concerned and frightened by both the process and the future. Add to that, how hard it would be to expre [...]

July 24, 2019 -   In my practice, I have found that one spouse is often prepared to move forward with a divorce, while the other may not have even come to terms with the fact that the marriage is ending, let alone be ready to discuss divorce. In this video, I outline a few suggestions that may help if you find yourself in a situation like this.  [...]

July 19, 2019 - [...]

July 10, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} In my last video, I promised some creative win/win options that you could take when it came to the division of your home. Since they could be a little complicated and hard to follow, I thought it would be better to present them in a written blog.    Can’t Refinance Right Now Let’s say that you both agree that there will be a buyout and a refinance, but it will take some time for the “buyer” to qualify for a loan [...]

June 19, 2019 -   If you're going through a divorce and you own your home, that home is going to be looked at as an asset to be divided according to the laws of New York. To one or both parties, the marital home often means something more than just a place to live. It represents a sense of continuity and something that is familiar which can lead one or both of them to want to keep it. Would you want a court making this decision for you, or would you prefer an interest-based di [...]

June 5, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} In a previous post, I wrote about the enormous impact that a sincere apology could have on another person. There is, though, a very significant step that must come first. Taking Responsibility for Our Actions Sometimes, the intentions behind the words said or the actions taken are crystal clear, and it is impossible to say with any semblance of credibility — “I didn’t mean to do that.”   More often, though, it&rsquo [...]

May 14, 2019 -   One of the aspects of divorce is the creation of “blended families” when there is remarriage afterwards that includes step-mothers, step-fathers, step-children, step-siblings, step-grandparents, etc. Navigating these new relationships can be awkward, but the lives of you and your children can be enriched by keeping an open mind with regard to new significant others as this video attests. [...]

May 1, 2019 - {3:00 minutes to read} One of the things you will be asked to address in mediation is what, if any, changes will be made to child support. In a previous post, I wrote about New York’s statute that would permit parties to file for a modification for support under certain circumstances. But, if you’re mediating now, you certainly would want to avoid having to go to court to modify child support in the future. It’s best to include the changes to support t [...]

April 23, 2019 -   In the past, as a lawyer it was very uncommon for me to either attend a mediation with a client or have clients bring their attorneys to a mediation with me. That was something that I always felt was a rarity in family mediation. Since I’ve become a divorce mediator, I’m not sure why, but that dynamic seems to be changing. I’m finding these meetings to be productive, and the attorneys’ presence to be helpful. [...]

April 3, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} There are two diametrically opposed views as to the value of an attorney versus a mediator. In terms of settling a matrimonial matter, each believes the other is not necessary. “There is no need for a mediator.” Some matrimonial attorneys believe that two attorneys can negotiate for the parties and reach a settlement — why the need for a third party? After all, attorneys have been settling cases forever, and it works.   M [...]