June 5, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} In a previous post, I wrote about the enormous impact that a sincere apology could have on another person. There is, though, a very significant step that must come first. Taking Responsibility for Our Actions Sometimes, the intentions behind the words said or the actions taken are crystal clear, and it is impossible to say with any semblance of credibility — “I didn’t mean to do that.”   More often, though, it&rsquo [...]

February 19, 2019 - {3:00 minutes to read} In many cases, clients decide to separate as a mutual decision and come to mediation without assessing any blame or fault on the other. In many other cases, though, one party feels either that the other party is to blame (i.e., if the other person had an affair) or that the other person is at fault because he or she is the one who wants the divorce against the wish of the other to stay married. In those cases, a pervasive attitude of blame or fault [...]

January 23, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} It is likely that mediation can result in a negotiated agreement even if you mediate after you have entered litigation or tried negotiating through attorneys. But after having worked with couples who have first engaged in an adversarial process, I encountered distinctive behaviors that arose in the mediation which, while not unsurmountable, needed to be addressed. Of course, I can’t definitively state that it was the initial adversarial proc [...]

November 1, 2017 - {4:12 minutes to read} As I described in Part I of this post, it’s not unusual to feel completely overwhelmed upon hearing that your spouse wants a divorce. You think the last thing you are capable of doing is making good decisions about your children and your finances. But then you keep getting pushed by your spouse to start the divorce ASAP. You can tell your spouse that you need some time to process everything and get the support that you may need to move forwa [...]

December 6, 2016 - {3:18 minutes to read} After my initial mediation training, I developed a sense of why I thought clients would choose to mediate their divorce. Since I was so invigorated by the knowledge of this amazing process, I assumed they would choose to mediate because they wanted to engage in a process in which they could learn how to communicate their interests to each other and then brainstorm creative resolutions to meet those interests in a collaborative and non-adversarial s [...]

June 21, 2016 - {3:12 minutes to read} Having been raised by a mother who once heard an ambulance and acted upon the belief that it carried my aunt, who, being 15 minutes late in picking her up, had, of course, been in a car accident, I’m a worrier. If I allow myself to go there, I can easily obsess about a car accident or a plane crash, things that can happen in an instant without warning and could drastically change my life. Then there are the things that are equally devastatin [...]

January 5, 2016 - {3:30 minutes to read} After hearing Katty Kay speak about the book written by her and Claire Shipman, The Confidence Code, I immediately downloaded it and am very glad I did. They performed an exhaustive study on the highly sought after quality of confidence: Is it something that we are born with? Is it something that can be taught? Is it more important to be confident than competent? and most significantly, why is it that so many women are hampered by [...]

July 21, 2015 - {3:36 minutes to read}   When I practiced family law in an adversarial setting, I always felt a little guilty when I said that I enjoyed it, given that I was working with people who were going through one of the worst times of their lives. But in contrast to the other parts of my practice (real estate and estate matters), family law was interesting, dynamic, and challenging. Presenting and opposing arguments was intellectually stimulating based upon the substantial [...]

December 22, 2014 - In my last blog, I wrote about how a mediation can begin if one spouse isn’t quite as prepared to divorce as the other party. Now, I would like to address what happens when those feelings do not diminish as the mediation progresses. The practical effect in a mediation when one party is reluctant to divorce can be that the reluctant party continually expresses blame and fault against the other party. They may say things like “I didn’t want this, so why [...]

October 30, 2013 - Previously, I wrote about how a mediation can begin if one spouse isn’t quite as prepared to divorce as the other party. Now, I would like to address what happens when those feelings do not diminish as the mediation progresses. The practical effect in a mediation when one party is reluctant to divorce can be that the reluctant party expresses blame and fault against the other party continually or says things like “I didn’t want this, so why should I ha [...]