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Mediation Blog

Topic: Change | 48 post(s).

February 28, 2024 - The Greek philosopher Heraclitus is credited with the idea that the only constant in life is change. Or to put it another way, the only thing you can count on is change. There will be times when one parent wants to make a change to the co-parenting holiday schedule. This video lists two “don’ts” that you should observe if one parent is suggesting a change, especially during the holidays. If you would like more information about mediation, prenups, an [...]

January 8, 2024 -   In this video, I reflect on the end of the year, sharing my unique approach to the New Year. In place of resolutions, I look back on the past year, emphasizing two concepts: impermanence and gratitude. Though looking back may seem odd to some, it can bring comfort and ideas for the future. Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year.If you would like more information about mediation, prenups, and family law, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com. [...]

June 7, 2023 - A couple of topics came up in a peer group that I run for divorce mediators that took the discussion to a more personal rather than professional level. The topics were raised by two members of the group who had suspended their careers during the time that they were raising their children, resulting in lost opportunities. They embarked on new careers. But what cannot be regained is those lost opportunities. If you would like more information about mediation, prenups and [...]

January 7, 2022 -   When divorcing, determining the income base for child support can be tricky, especially if your income changes from year to year, or is not consistent due to commissions and/or bonuses. This video outlines a couple of approaches that can help you figure out the most effective way to deal with income fluctuations. [...]

December 16, 2021 - {4 minutes to read} The most typical way a pension is divided would be through a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). A QDRO provides that, at retirement, the marital portion of the pension will be divided in the way that you have agreed upon in your Separation Agreement, usually 50%. The marital portion is the part that accumulated during the marriage. But you’re in mediation, so you don’t have to do what is typically done. Especially if the QDRO does [...]

April 30, 2021 - {4 minutes to read} I often receive phone calls from potential clients telling me that they have settled everything and just want me to write up their agreement. When faced with this request, I explain that this is not what I do and why mediation would still be important even if they have discussed and agreed upon terms.  Terms that were Not Addressed Even if there are no minor children, it’s difficult to navigate through all of the terms that need to be con [...]

January 15, 2021 - {2 minutes to read} Like everyone else in the world, I looked forward to 2021 and the opportunity to put 2020 behind me. While we all hoped that the new year would bring something better — in health, in politics, and in regaining in-person connections to friends and family — of course, nothing changed at the stroke of midnight. And then I thought about expectations. The meditation teacher, Joseph Goldstein, speaks about “the next pleasant thing.&rdquo [...]

October 14, 2020 - {4 minutes to read} When I’m working with parents and we are discussing what each proposes for a parenting plan, I ask them to phrase their proposal in terms of what is in the child’s best interests, and not necessarily what’s best for them. What does “best interests of the child” actually mean though? If we use the standard of what a judge would consider when making a custody determination in an adversarial proceeding, these are some of th [...]

September 30, 2020 - {3 minutes to read} I know that it has been a constant refrain of mine that budgets are vital in mediation, but I learned how truly indispensable they can be during a recent one. The couple were both high-wage earners, and one parent was agreed upon to be the primary residential parent. The non-residential parent proposed a different type of child support payment in which, rather than payment of the standard child support that would be calculated under NYs Child Support [...]

August 12, 2020 - {3 minutes to read} Now that you have decided on the access schedule you will use in your equal parenting plan, there are some other terms that you might want to include in your agreement. Tweaks to the On-Duty Parent Responsibilities Typically, the on-duty parent is responsible for everything having to do with the children during their access time. But, you may want to modify that in some circumstances:  If you have children with different extracurricular acti [...]

September 25, 2019 - {4 minutes to read}  At a recent conference for divorce and family mediators that I attended, I heard a panel consisting of judges, hearing officers and law clerks speak to the reality of the court process. Here are some of the negative consequences they raised: Timeframe Although there are rules that say the entire process in New York County would be “trial ready” in less than a year after filing, the reality is that it could be two years or more to g [...]

September 11, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} Both the clients and the mediator want to be sure that the first meeting is productive, both because of the cost involved and because everyone wants to feel that something was accomplished and momentum is building. That’s why at the initial consultation I suggest clients to do the following before scheduling the first meeting: Review the checklist I provide. To the extent that it’s productive for them to do so, I suggest that clients [...]

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