February 16, 2022 -   I became intrigued with the idea of grace after hearing an interview with Kirsten Powers about her book Saving Grace. A lot of what she said and wrote in the book really resonated with me. Especially in the last several years — we've been treating people with whom we disagree in terms of beliefs and ideas, not only with a lack of grace but with a lack of humanity. We just see them as the sum total of their ideas, as opposed to individuals with whom we may [...]

September 11, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} Both the clients and the mediator want to be sure that the first meeting is productive, both because of the cost involved and because everyone wants to feel that something was accomplished and momentum is building. That’s why at the initial consultation I suggest clients to do the following before scheduling the first meeting: Review the checklist I provide. To the extent that it’s productive for them to do so, I suggest that clients [...]

January 3, 2018 - {4:06 minutes to read} “We don’t need to mediate–we agreed to everything already and just want you to write it up.” “We don’t have any assets, so we don’t have anything to talk about.” “We don’t need a separation agreement, we just want to get divorced.” Undoubtedly, as all mediators do, I’ve heard these statements, or variations on them, more often than I can count. It’s understandable, bu [...]

October 27, 2015 - {3:55 minutes to read} We all tend to adapt a story in retelling it.  It’s mostly small points, but sometimes people who may have lived through the event with us will notice that some liberties have been taken. It doesn’t mean that the embellishment is done to purposely avoid the truth.  It could be: How we actually recall the event; Our “version” makes an amusing story more amusing; or, It puts us in a more flattering li [...]

February 2, 2015 - Though mediation is a less contentious way to divorce, there are still some myths that keep people from taking advantage of the process. Here are 5 of the most common ones: 1.  Only people who agree on terms of settlement can mediate.   If that were true, there would be no need to mediate, and they could just enter into a settlement agreement. Of course, people who disagree can mediate, just like people who are angry can mediate and people who don’t re [...]

November 11, 2014 - There are so many issues that a divorcing couple must face: How to tell the children Where will each live Whether or not they can afford to live separately Starting mediation can easily add to the apprehension, yet beginning mediation can actually be a positive step toward gaining control of your changing circumstances because the timetable, the agenda and of course, the outcome, are completely up to the two of you. There are concrete issues that need to be addr [...]

May 20, 2013 - There are so many issues that a divorcing couple must face–how to tell the children, where will each live, whether or not they can afford to live separately–starting mediation can easily add to the apprehension. I believe, however, that beginning mediation can actually be a positive step toward gaining control of your changing circumstances. The two of you set the timetable, the agenda and, of course, the outcome. There are concrete issues that need to be a [...]