April 7, 2021 - {3 minutes to read} I understand that there are some mediators in favor of mediation via email. Those that I have encountered are conducting commercial or other multi-party mediations. The positive aspects include:  easier scheduling; parties from other states, or even countries, can participate without travel or time zone constraints; parties can take time to draft an appropriate and more reasoned response; and parties can easily find information from prior & [...]

February 19, 2021 -   In this video, we discuss the step when the child consultant comes into the mediation, and speaks to the parents about their interview with the child. Parents don't have to be afraid that they are going to be judged in the meeting, or that anybody is going to be accusing them of being bad parents because they are having a conflict with their co-parent. The mediator and the child consultant will work together to make sure that the parents feel comfortable in the [...]

December 3, 2020 - {4 minutes to read} The other day a friend told me about a conflict she was having with another person and how that person behaved towards her. While the other person’s actions were pretty awful, there was something in the back story she described that made me think there was a misunderstanding and possibly an incorrect assumption of the other person’s motives. To my friend, the other person was acting spitefully and just being mean spirited. I gingerly brou [...]

September 16, 2020 - {3 minutes to read} In an earlier post, I described the benefits of using a financial professional who acts as a neutral in mediation, but sometimes that may not work for you. Here are some factors to consider when deciding which will be best in your case. An Advocate If you choose to have the financial person be an advocate, they would be acting in the same way that an attorney would act on your behalf — looking out for your interests and how to achieve the bes [...]

July 16, 2020 - {3 minutes to read} Since New York on PAUSE went into effect, parties have been mediating virtually — either online or by phone, and this may even continue as businesses begin to reopen. I would like to share with you some of the differences that I’ve noticed in my mediation meetings via Zoom. Technical Difficulties We all may be subject to an unstable internet connection and noisy distractions from dogs or others in your household. Your mediator should let [...]

May 20, 2020 - {3 minutes to read} As a divorce mediator, it’s not surprising that I work with many couples who experience a lack of communication. Since that lack of communication is now being coupled with spending an inordinate amount of time with your spouse during the pandemic, you may consider this an opportunity to improve your communication. In Listening During a Pandemic, Kate Murphy writes that while a pandemic has the likelihood of causing an increase in divorce, it ca [...]

April 21, 2020 - {4 minutes to read} As I’m writing this on March 30, 2020, the Courts in New York State are open only for emergency relief, such as family offenses/orders of protection and child protective matters. Parents who are having non-emergency custody disputes are unable to access courts at this time to resolve their dispute. In an article in the New York Law Journal, Judge Jeffrey Sunshine, the Statewide Coordinating Judge for Matrimonial Cases, was praised on two divers [...]

March 13, 2020 - {4 minutes to read} Are all family disputes the same? Of course not. Divorce mediation is different from mediation involving the contest or interpretation of the provisions of a Will or Trust Agreement. But clearly, they have similarities: Ongoing Relationships While some familial relationships may have always been troubled, it’s likely that at some time, the parties probably got along well. And they may need to continue to get along for the sake of attending ext [...]

December 10, 2019 - {4 minutes to read}  In other posts, I’ve often touted the benefits of working with a financial professional, either together or separately, during a couple’s divorce mediation. In this post, I want to summarize the circumstances under which I think a mediation would progress most easily, and that is if both spouses worked with a financial professional who acts as a neutral. While the training and expertise of the financial professionals would be the sa [...]

November 26, 2019 - {4 minutes to read}  You and your fiancé have discussed the terms that you would want in your prenuptial agreement. You seem to be in agreement, so you feel that there is nothing to mediate and don’t see the need for a mediator when you could just have your lawyer draft the agreement and your fiancé can have an attorney review it. So, why involve a third professional and incur an additional fee when nothing is really in dispute? You May Not Have [...]

September 25, 2019 - {4 minutes to read}  At a recent conference for divorce and family mediators that I attended, I heard a panel consisting of judges, hearing officers and law clerks speak to the reality of the court process. Here are some of the negative consequences they raised: Timeframe Although there are rules that say the entire process in New York County would be “trial ready” in less than a year after filing, the reality is that it could be two years or more to g [...]

September 11, 2019 - {3:30 minutes to read} Both the clients and the mediator want to be sure that the first meeting is productive, both because of the cost involved and because everyone wants to feel that something was accomplished and momentum is building. That’s why at the initial consultation I suggest clients to do the following before scheduling the first meeting: Review the checklist I provide. To the extent that it’s productive for them to do so, I suggest that clients [...]