Why Sign a Prenup Before You Marry? [VIDEO]

 

Prenups get a bad rap, but there are times when they may be appropriate. This video looks at some circumstances where one party may have a concern that they feel would be addressed best with a prenup. Valid reasons or not, this could still be a difficult conversation to have with your fiance, so have the discussion as far in advance of your marriage as you can. If you would like more information about mediation and prenups, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com.

Details Can Help When You Have Serious Conflict

{3 minutes to read} If you and your spouse have a lot of conflict between you, you're going to want to have as much detail as possible in your parenting agreement. Here are a few tips that can help you to achieve that during your mediation. 

1. Speak Up. 
 
Clearly, your mediator is going to be aware of the level of conflict between the two of you and will raise the issues that are most commonly addressed in Separation Agreements in terms of parenting plan details. They may not, however, get into the exact detail that you feel is most important based upon your particular circumstances. So, if there's something that your mediator doesn't raise and you want more detail about that certain issue, bring it up in the mediation.  
 
2. Be Mindful of How You Raise the Issue.  
 
You don't want to do anything that's going to immediately put your spouse on the defensive, so try to be as objective as possible. For example, when you’re trying to make a decision that affects the children, let's say that your spouse just keeps repeating the same things over and over and that really annoys you. Instead of saying “it drives me crazy when you just keep talking and talking and saying nothing new,” you can say that you want to talk about making sure that your discussions are focused and productive. That will then lead to a discussion in mediation about how much time we will spend on a decision before moving on to another step such as consulting with a professional with expertise about the issue in question. 
 
3. If You're Trying to Minimize the Conflict Between the Two of You, Look Inward.  
 
You may be the source of that conflict, as well. If there's something that you do that you know, really causes annoyance to your spouse, bring it up. Let's say your spouse is annoyed because you don't respond to a text or email as quickly as they would like. Ask if you can discuss and determine a reasonable time frame to respond to a non-emergency text. Then you can actually put language in that spells out how long you have to respond to a text. Your spouse will know that you have that time and not get annoyed, and you don’t have to feel like it will be an argument if you can’t answer a text immediately. 
 

No level of detail in your agreement can ensure that you will avoid each and every conflict going forward but whatever easing of conflict that you can achieve through more detail in your parenting plan would be a help.


What is a Sunset Clause and Do You Want One in Your Prenup? [VIDEO]

 

So, what is a sunset clause? By definition, it means that after a defined period of time, the clause has no effect. In a prenup, a sunset clause can take different forms but usually refers to voiding the agreement or only certain terms of the agreement after a period of time. In some cases, certain terms are actually expanded. Whether or not it's right for you is clearly something that the two of you need to decide. If you would like more information about mediation, prenups and family law, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com.

Problems With Joint Decisions? Not Us. [VIDEO]

Sometimes there isn’t a lot of conflict between you and your spouse, and you feel that you won’t have any problems with joint decision making but including a default provision in your agreement, just in case things don't go as expected, might be wise. If you would like more information about mediation and joint decision making, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com.

A Spirit of Hope — Support Connection [VIDEO]

 

This video is about hope and the support that my friend Julie received from the group Support Connection, prior to her death from ovarian cancer. Like anyone given this diagnosis, she felt alone and scared and had no idea where to turn for help. But then, she found Support Connection, a lifeline for women who have breast or ovarian cancer. Julie not only found hope but was able to give support and inspiration to others. So much so, that in 2018 she was given their Spirit of Hope Award.

Three Commonalities of a Successful Divorce Mediation [VIDEO]

 

In a recent video, available on my website, I described what, in addition to having a signed separation agreement, a successful mediation would look like. In this follow up video, I talk about three things clients who experience those positive outcomes have in common. After watching the video, If you think that mediation is the process for you, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com, where there are many more articles and blogs on all things divorce mediation.

What Percentage of Divorce Mediations are Successful? [VIDEO]

 

As is often the answer to questions like this, it depends. In this case, however, the answer may depend on how you define success. What are your measurement criteria? Just ending up with a signed Separation Agreement might be one, but in this video, I look at some other aspects of the mediation process that may also be valid reasons for success.

If you think that mediation is the process for you, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com.

A Cohabitation Agreement — Do We Really Need It? [VIDEO]

 

While marriage is the usual path when two people are in love and want to live together, some couples decide to live together without being married and without bothering to get a cohabitation agreement. This may be all well and good until it isn’t. Without the Agreement, when the couple breaks up or one party dies, there can be a slew of problems around the joint property acquired during the relationship. If you would like more information about mediation, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com.

Can a Parent Coordinator Help You?

{3 minutes to read} When I meet with clients who will have difficulty in making joint decisions about their children after the Separation Agreement is signed, the first thing we do is discuss a structure that will help them.

If their level of conflict is so high that even after such a process, they STILL will be in conflict, we will discuss if they could agree to one parent making the final decisions. Or having one parent make final decisions regarding education issues while the other makes final decisions regarding medical issues.

If they are unwilling to have the other parent be the final decision maker in any capacity, then I will ask them to consider appointing a Parent Coordinator (PC). Although the PCs whom I would recommend are also trained as mediators, their role is quite different.

  • The parties enter into a contract with the PC so they can easily address any issues that come up in implementing their Separation Agreement.
  • If the PC’s attempt to settle the issue through mediation is unsuccessful, they will gather the necessary information to make a recommendation.
  • The PC can speak to the child, family members, caretakers, teachers, doctors, and mental health professionals treating the child.
  • The PC can make a recommendation based upon the information they have gathered and their experience with similar issues.
  • If the parties agreed to this in the contract with the PC, the PC could make a binding recommendation, subject only to a party’s right to contest it in court.
  • The PC can also help the parties implement their Agreement on issues like being late for access, holiday schedule disputes, and the like.

Without having a PC available to them, the parents would have no option but to file a petition in Family Court if they cannot agree on an issue or decision, and mediation is unsuccessful. This typically results in a multitude of petitions and cross-petitions, a great deal of emotional trauma for the parents and the children, and nothing being accomplished in any semblance of a timely fashion.

When clients express interest in the idea of a PC, I provide them with a list of recommendations and advise them to research them to see if they can agree upon the appointment of a PC plus an alternate. I will then include those professionals in the Agreement so that if an issue arises, the process is there and ready for them to use when they need it.

While mediation will always be the first option to me, a Parent Coordinator is something to consider as an alternative to being stuck in an endless loop of court filings.

Right or Happy? Which Would You Like to Be? [VIDEO]

 

I remember when I used to represent clients in adversarial settings long ago, I would have some clients who would win in the sense that they got what they wanted but they weren't happy. I also had some clients who settled, and they weren't too happy, either. Now, I am definitely not saying that all mediation clients are happy. Happiness is a tough concept when you're talking about the end of a relationship but I often see a level of contentment in mediation clients, which can be the best answer to the question. If you think that mediation is the process for you, check out my website — ClarePiroMediation.com.