The Dual Impact of Divorce

June 21, 2016 |

{3:12 minutes to read} Having been raised by a mother who once heard an ambulance and acted upon the belief that it carried my aunt, who, being 15 minutes late in picking her up, had, of course, been in a car accident, I’m a worrier.

If I allow myself to go there, I can easily obsess about a car accident or a plane crash, things that can happen in an instant without warning and could drastically change my life. Then there are the things that are equally devastating but are played out over a longer period of time, such as the life-threatening illness of someone I love.

There probably is a piece of me that believes if I worry about something, it won’t happen, so I tend to spend time worrying about all kinds of unlikely things.

When I meet with some of my clients, I recognize that they are not worrying or obsessing about something that is unlikely to happen as I do. Many are actually experiencing the 2-pronged impact of an unimaginable event that will change their lives. First, they are feeling the instant “slap-in-the-face” kind of shock that takes their breath away, when they are being told that their spouse wants a divorce, or they discover an affair. Then comes the prolonged distress in the struggle to tell their children, work out the details of a separation, and draft and sign legal papers. I wish that I could say mediation will make the entire process painless, but of course, it cannot. I wholeheartedly believe, however, that a properly trained and experienced mediator can lessen the impact on you and your family, because in a mediation:

You are an active participant, which means that you exercise a level of control missing from an attorney negotiation or a court process;
You will have the opportunity to express what you feel needs to be said, in a way that is more likely to be heard by the other; and
No matter whether you both want to proceed quickly or slowly, the process can move along at a pace that suits.

Most importantly, mediation is a respectful process that focuses on the future rather than focusing on past events or laying blame, which is one of the many reasons why I am such a strong advocate for mediation. It may still be painful, and it will still require hard work and time, but it should still be the first choice for a couple seeking to separate.

Comments from Social Media

I agree. Although it will not take away the pain of divorce, mediation offers the clients more control over the process and the means to move forward in a respectful manner.

Anthony Markus

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

« Return to Blog

Comments

Search

Topics

Mediation (117) | Divorce (108) | Separation (25) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Litigation (11) | Communication (10) | Conflict (10) | Child Support (10) | Separation Agreement (9) | Consultation (7) | Co-Parenting (7) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Parenting (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Assets (5) | Parenting Plan (5) | Children (5) | Marital Home (5) | Expenses (4) | Agreement (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Separate Property (4) | Family (4) | CSSA (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Finances (4) | Clients (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Listening (3) | Emotions (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Relationships (3) | Family Court (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Marital Property (3) | Responsibility (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Child Support Standards Act (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Grace (2) | College Expenses (2) | Inheritance (2) | Apology (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Step-Father (2) | Humanity (2) | Anger (2) | Bitterness (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | Mediate (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Anxiety (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Blended Families (2) | Step-Children (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Spouse (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Pandemic (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Attitude (2) | Truth (2) | Couples (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Seperation (2) | Budget (2) | Agreements (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Estate (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Budgets (2) | Will (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Compromise (2) | Mediating Emails (1) | Feelings (1) | Intention (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Thrive (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Depression (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Languish (1) | Transition Day (1) | Caucus (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | Separating (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | An Advocate (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Retirement (1) | Guilt (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Expectations (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Heard (1) | Understood (1) | Older Parents (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Pension Plans (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Pensions (1) | Being Heard (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Support Connection (1) | Cancer (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Support (1) | Collaboration (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Hope (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Parent Coordinator (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Buyout (1) | Inflation (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Real Estate (1) | Selling The Marital Home (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Postnup (1) | Meditation (1) | Fairness (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Consulting (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Contentment (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Opposites (1) | ADR (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Coparenting (1) | Perspective (1) | Personality (1) | Pension (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Advocacy (1) | Empowerment (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | CoParenting (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Happiness (1) | Beliefs (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Kindness (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Disagreements (1) | Ideas (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Bonuses (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | COVID19 (1) | Fall (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Extremes (1) | Conflicy (1) | College (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Contribution (1) | Nesting (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Compassion (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Abundance (1) | Grandparents (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Relocation (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Halloween (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Change (1) | Self-determination (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Self-talk (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Advice (1) | Self Determination (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Equality (1) | Balance (1) | Control (1) | New York State (1) | Joint Account (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Court Order (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Negotiation (1) | Entitlement (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Lawyer (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Buyer (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Apologizing (1) | But (1) | Fiancé (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Seller (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Wife (1) | Spouses (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Dreaming (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Spousal Support (1) | Dishonest (1) | Work Stress (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Buyout Options (1) |

Connect

Online Mediation Available

In response to COVID-19 I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.