End of Summer? Oh, No!

{2:36 minutes to read} I am one of those people who enjoys the changing of the seasons, even when it means that summer is over.

However, I’m not one of those people who feel that summer is over on the 5th of July. Even if we measure summer as Memorial Day to Labor Day, there are still two full months of summer to enjoy after the 4th of July. Why not savor these two months when it’s still 90 degrees in the shade instead of focusing on winter coming?

Conversely, people who tend to see summer as over on July 5th don’t tend to see winter as being over January 2nd. In fact, it’s much easier for them to become mired in the inconveniences of snow and ice. They may have a tendency to dwell on what they perceive as negative periods that they have to endure and not recognize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel—and that at some point, they will get there.

I see this dynamic with certain clients who are unable to envision a future. I wish there were an easy way for them to recognize that all of the feelings they are experiencing, such as anger, sadness, fear and doubt, are likely to pass in time.

When in the negotiation phase of a divorce, it may seem that they will never be done with it. It is the first thing on their minds when they wake up, and usually the last thing they think about as they are falling asleep. It generally takes over any unoccupied moment of the day, or when they are involved in mundane tasks.

Once the agreement is signed, clients have told me that it is as if a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. Not that life gets suddenly easier, but their focus can now be on their life going forward in a different, but hopefully less stressful, way.

In mediation, because the focus is always on the future rather than past grievances, clients are able to get through the negotiation morass more quickly. They are able to make terms in an agreement that will make moving forward easier, and the “different life” one they can manage.