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Nobody Said Mediation Would Be Easy

November 22, 2016  | 

{3:54 minutes to read} Since I write so often about the benefits of mediation, I think it’s time that I acknowledge something I often share with clients at the initial consultation.

After I have explained the basics of mediation, I say that I think mediation can be a hard thing to do and commend them for making that choice. And while I firmly believe that it is the best option to resolve conflict, I’ll admit it’s still not an easy process.

What makes it hard?

1. You are spending a good deal of time one on one with the other person.

For some, especially if you feel that your spouse did something to hurt you or to cause the relationship to fail, this can be very difficult and painful.
 
2. You are doing quite a bit of work.
 
Outside the mediation, you will need to gather financial information, make a budget, and analyze options that perhaps an attorney or attorney’s paralegal would do for you in a court setting. At the meetings, you have to advocate for yourself and defend your position. You can not rely upon your attorney to make your arguments.
 

3. You have to make all the decisions.

Even though I do all I can during the mediation to make sure that both partners have all of the support they need to make good decisions, they are the decision makers. You can’t ask the mediator to tell you which option to choose, and while you can get advice from other professionals, the responsibility for the final decision is up to you.

Why is that hard work worth it?

1. You are spending a good deal of time one on one with the other person.

When the parties are in the same room, it’s much easier to resolve a conflict since they each know the levels of their acceptability as to an outcome. More importantly, after hearing the other’s point of view, you know the level of compromise you may choose. Attorneys negotiating without the presence of clients means a lot of time spent going back and forth between them before a settlement is made. And, don’t forget: that time is costing you money.

2. You are doing quite a bit of work.

Doing a budget and learning about your assets and liabilities is a good thing. If you were not the one handling the finances during your marriage, you may not have a firm understanding of the financial situation. This enables you to educate yourself about what will be a very important aspect of your life moving forward. It also forces you to set priorities and decide what future financial circumstances are most important to you and how you are going to achieve them.

3. You get to make the decisions.

Need I say more on why it’s a benefit that you decide the important aspects of your future?

So, like many things in life, mediation is not always a pleasant process to go through in order to achieve the outcome that you seek, but it is well worth the effort.

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

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Comments
Eva S
December 1, 2016 - 1:39 PM
I wholeheartedly agree with you We have introduced a mediation process that includes my services as a financial divorce specialist This take 'some' of the work burden off the couple however the positive of mediation is the engagement of couple in the mediation both at and away from the table Engaged involved informed clients are best clients Eva Sachs CDFA Mutual Solutions
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