914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

Nobody Said Mediation Would Be Easy

November 22, 2016  | 

{3:54 minutes to read} Since I write so often about the benefits of mediation, I think it’s time that I acknowledge something I often share with clients at the initial consultation.

After I have explained the basics of mediation, I say that I think mediation can be a hard thing to do and commend them for making that choice. And while I firmly believe that it is the best option to resolve conflict, I’ll admit it’s still not an easy process.

What makes it hard?

1. You are spending a good deal of time one on one with the other person.

For some, especially if you feel that your spouse did something to hurt you or to cause the relationship to fail, this can be very difficult and painful.
 
2. You are doing quite a bit of work.
 
Outside the mediation, you will need to gather financial information, make a budget, and analyze options that perhaps an attorney or attorney’s paralegal would do for you in a court setting. At the meetings, you have to advocate for yourself and defend your position. You can not rely upon your attorney to make your arguments.
 

3. You have to make all the decisions.

Even though I do all I can during the mediation to make sure that both partners have all of the support they need to make good decisions, they are the decision makers. You can’t ask the mediator to tell you which option to choose, and while you can get advice from other professionals, the responsibility for the final decision is up to you.

Why is that hard work worth it?

1. You are spending a good deal of time one on one with the other person.

When the parties are in the same room, it’s much easier to resolve a conflict since they each know the levels of their acceptability as to an outcome. More importantly, after hearing the other’s point of view, you know the level of compromise you may choose. Attorneys negotiating without the presence of clients means a lot of time spent going back and forth between them before a settlement is made. And, don’t forget: that time is costing you money.

2. You are doing quite a bit of work.

Doing a budget and learning about your assets and liabilities is a good thing. If you were not the one handling the finances during your marriage, you may not have a firm understanding of the financial situation. This enables you to educate yourself about what will be a very important aspect of your life moving forward. It also forces you to set priorities and decide what future financial circumstances are most important to you and how you are going to achieve them.

3. You get to make the decisions.

Need I say more on why it’s a benefit that you decide the important aspects of your future?

So, like many things in life, mediation is not always a pleasant process to go through in order to achieve the outcome that you seek, but it is well worth the effort.

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments
Eva S
December 1, 2016 - 1:39 PM
I wholeheartedly agree with you We have introduced a mediation process that includes my services as a financial divorce specialist This take 'some' of the work burden off the couple however the positive of mediation is the engagement of couple in the mediation both at and away from the table Engaged involved informed clients are best clients Eva Sachs CDFA Mutual Solutions

Search
Topics
Mediation (140) | Divorce (131) | Separation (48) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Communication (11) | Litigation (11) | Child Support (11) | Conflict (10) | Separation Agreement (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Parenting Plan (7) | Attorney (7) | Prenup (7) | Consultation (7) | Parenting (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Assets (5) | Children (5) | Finances (4) | Family (4) | Agreement (4) | Settlement (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Expenses (4) | Marital Property (4) | Separate Property (4) | Marital Assets (4) | Equitable Distribution (4) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Clients (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Parent Coordinator (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Divorce Coach (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Emotions (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Relationships (3) | Financial Professional (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Negotiation (3) | Blended Families (3) | Listening (3) | Family Court (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Responsibility (3) | Compromise (3) | Inheritance (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Estate (2) | Fairness (2) | Will (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Apology (2) | Humanity (2) | Law Professionals (2) | CDFA (2) | Anxiety (2) | Budgets (2) | Entitlement (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Pandemic (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Attitude (2) | Mediate (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Grace (2) | College Expenses (2) | Spouse (2) | Step-Children (2) | Bitterness (2) | Couples (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | Agreements (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Anger (2) | Step-Father (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Truth (2) | Custody (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Budget (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Seperation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Legislation (2) | Change (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Languish (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Depression (1) | Thrive (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Opposites (1) | Personality (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Advocacy (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | Perspective (1) | Regrets (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Coparenting (1) | Empowerment (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Pensions (1) | Retirement (1) | Pension Plans (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Legal Rights (1) | CoParenting (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | Transition Day (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Impartiality (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Expectations (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Concession (1) | Support (1) | Hope (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Postnup (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Speak Up (1) | Commitment (1) | Being Understood (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Cancer (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Support Connection (1) | Significant Others (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Meditation (1) | Buyout (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Inflation (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Self Compassion (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Consulting (1) | Active Listening (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Collaboration (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Court (1) | Judge (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Ideas (1) | Beliefs (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Bonuses (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | ADR (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Pension (1) | Real Estate (1) | Commissions (1) | Income Level (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Disagreements (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Unmarried (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Contentment (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | Kindness (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Mediation Process (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Happiness (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Compassion (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Conflicy (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Power (1) | School Year (1) | Fall (1) | Extremes (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Therapy (1) | Dreaming (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Intervention (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Specialist (1) | Relocation (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Halloween (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Control (1) | Balance (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Apart (1) | Living Together (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Grandparents (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Abundance (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Equality (1) | Blame (1) | Advice (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Wife (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Apologizing (1) | But (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Fiancé (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Understood (1) | Heard (1) | Guilt (1) | Separating (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | COVID19 (1) | Court Order (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Career Change (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Public Trust (1) | Lies (1) | Spouses (1) | Dishonest (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Time To Process (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Seller (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Refinance (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Buyer (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Mediating Onine (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.