914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  .  LinkedInFacebookTwitterGoogle+

How to Reduce the Costs of Mediation — Part II

May 9, 2018  | 

{4:00 minutes to read}  Separating is a painful and emotionally draining process. Needlessly prolonging the process will only add to that, however, it is within your power to insure that time in the meetings is not wasted. Here are some additional steps that you can take to insure that mediation fees remain reasonable by limiting the number of sessions that are needed.

Know what mediation is all about and why you’re doing it.

When I ask clients why they have chosen mediation, some say it is because their spouse wanted to mediate. They didn’t really have any idea about the process or a strong reason to choose it.
 
If you are considering mediation but are unsure of how it works, ask for a consultation to learn about the process before you agree to mediate. For mediation to work best, there needs to be a commitment to the process from both parties, along with an acknowledgment of your motives in choosing mediation.
 
Then, if the mediation reaches an impasse, that commitment and the reason why you started the process can become the anchor that motivates you to continue. 
 

Avoid mediating past behaviors.

Mediation is not marriage counseling, nor is the mediator’s role to determine the truth of an allegation of past bad behavior on the part of your spouse. However, it is common for accusations from past behaviors to be brought up during the mediation. Sometimes that can even be helpful in terms of explaining why you are hesitant about accepting a proposal made by your spouse.
 
In general, mediating past behaviors is not helpful to the process. A better tactic would be to make a proposal that can address the behavior that you want to change. Not confident in your ability to do that? See Making Proposals by Bill Eddy.
 

Avoid sarcasm and derogatory comments.

I know how hard it can be to resist leveling that perfect sarcastic comment or insult, but I urge you to try. Rarely have I seen sarcasm or insults result in the other person agreeing to what you want. More often, I see the other person shut down.
 
If it’s just too hard for you to get through a meeting, consider talking to a divorce coach. Doing that could help you reach the outcome you seek in a more productive way. 
 

Explain yourself and have an open mind.

If you are looking for a certain outcome, be prepared to share with the other person why that outcome is so important to you. And at the same time, consider the effect that outcome may have on the other person.
 
For example, if you are proposing an amount of support to be received or paid by you, show an accurate (not inflated) budget to demonstrate why you need that amount or how much you can afford to pay.
 
If you know the other person can’t afford to accept the outcome you are looking for, be prepared to propose ways to reach that outcome. Or be open to a discussion that generates options that will work for you both. 
 

While I believe that mediation should be the first choice for a couple who is separating, I also acknowledge that it will not make the process painless or a “walk in the park.” You and your spouse can make things a bit easier on yourselves by not wasting the time spent with the mediator. 

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments

Search
Topics
Mediation (143) | Divorce (132) | Separation (49) | Divorce Mediation (21) | Mediator (13) | Child Support (11) | Litigation (11) | Communication (11) | Separation Agreement (10) | Conflict (10) | Co-Parenting (8) | Collaborative Divorce (7) | Attorney (7) | Consultation (7) | Parenting (7) | Prenup (7) | Parenting Plan (6) | Marital Home (6) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Separate Property (5) | Children (5) | Assets (5) | Marital Assets (5) | Equitable Distribution (5) | Agreement (4) | Finances (4) | CSSA (4) | Child Support Standards Act (4) | Divorce Coach (4) | Settlement (4) | Marital Property (4) | Family (4) | Expenses (4) | Financial Professional (4) | Compromise (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Estate Documents (3) | Responsibility (3) | Blended Families (3) | Child Inclusive Mediation (3) | Listening (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Mediation Benefits (3) | Child Consultant (3) | Divorce Agreement (3) | Spousal Trust (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Negotiation (3) | Emotions (3) | Prenuptial Agreement (3) | Family Court (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Informed Decisions (3) | Joint Decisions (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Relationships (3) | Clients (3) | Pandemic (2) | Apology (2) | Moving Forward (2) | College Expenses (2) | Spouse (2) | Trust Issues (2) | Collaborative Practice (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Separation Agreements (2) | Joint Decision Making (2) | FamilyMediation (2) | CDFA (2) | CoParenting (2) | Guilt (2) | Entitlement (2) | Budgets (2) | New York Child Support Statute (2) | Humanity (2) | Grace (2) | Attitude (2) | Anxiety (2) | Selling The Marital Home (2) | Law Professionals (2) | Mediate (2) | Will (2) | Inheritance (2) | Surviving Spouse (2) | Spousal Support (2) | Right Of Election (2) | Equal Parenting Plan (2) | Estate (2) | Parent Coordinator (2) | Fairness (2) | Truth (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Custody (2) | Legislation (2) | Consulting Attorney (2) | Seperation (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Step-Father (2) | Bitterness (2) | Step-Children (2) | Budget (2) | Agreements (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Anger (2) | Change (2) | Couples (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Coparenting (1) | New York Family Court (1) | Family Court Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Beliefs (1) | Parenting Styles (1) | Perspective (1) | ADR (1) | Ideas (1) | Disagreements (1) | Financial Planning (1) | Righteous Anger (1) | Moving Forward After Divorce (1) | Opposites (1) | Personality (1) | Presumptive ADR Program (1) | Kirsten Powers (1) | Saving Grace By Kirsten Powers (1) | Support Add-ons (1) | Alternative Dispute Resolution (1) | Court (1) | Pension (1) | Relationship Advice (1) | Personal Growth (1) | Ending A Marriage (1) | Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) (1) | Judge (1) | Actuarial Company (1) | Pro-Rata (1) | Income Level (1) | Commissions (1) | Bonuses (1) | Regrets In Life (1) | DecisionMaking (1) | Separate Property Credit (1) | Expectations (1) | Communicating (1) | Family Mediations (1) | Mediating Emails (1) | Child Focused Mediation (1) | Parenting Support (1) | New Year’s Resolutions (1) | Intention (1) | Feelings (1) | Joseph Goldstein (1) | Pathological Liar (1) | Facial Expression (1) | Anxious Thoughts (1) | Tough Decisions (1) | Older Adults (1) | Eldercare (1) | FamilyLaw (1) | Education Plan (1) | Elder Mediation (1) | Older Parents (1) | Domestic Violence (1) | Tone Of Voice (1) | New York’s Child Support And Maintenance (1) | Advocacy (1) | Legal Rights (1) | Empowerment (1) | Overcoming Feelings Of Failure (1) | Matrimonial Practice (1) | IEP (1) | Individualized Education Plans (1) | Special Education (1) | Education Consultant (1) | Family Occasions (1) | Honest Conversation (1) | Retirement Plans (1) | Postnuptial Agreements (1) | Pensions (1) | Retirement (1) | Pension Plans (1) | COVID 19 (1) | Lack Of Focus (1) | Thrive (1) | Depression (1) | Languish (1) | Waiving Spousal Support (1) | Kindness (1) | Divorce Journey (1) | Mediation Process (1) | Credit Against Child Support (1) | Joint Ownership Post Divorce (1) | Fairness Evaluation (1) | Active Listening (1) | New York Divorce Law (1) | Financial Professionals (1) | Objective Standards (1) | Child-focused (1) | Post Divorce Budgets (1) | Real Estate Buyout (1) | Divorce Agreements (1) | Buyout Options (1) | Partial Buyout (1) | Buyout (1) | Compromise In Agreements (1) | Inflation (1) | Needs And Interests (1) | Well-being (1) | Children Of Divorce (1) | Interest Rates (1) | Real Estate And Divorce (1) | Lowest Acceptable Offer (1) | Child Wellbeing (1) | Rights Of Inheritance (1) | Mediation Friendly Attorney (1) | Biggest Regrets In Life (1) | Review Attorney (1) | Unfaithful Spouse (1) | Holding On To Regrets (1) | Spousal Infidelity (1) | Financial Impropriety (1) | Daniel Pink (1) | Separate Living Without Divorce (1) | New Year Resolutions (1) | Objective Standards In Mediation (1) | Spousal Support Payments (1) | Introducing Significant Others (1) | Learning From The Past (1) | Significant Others (1) | Short-term Marriage Divorce (1) | Impartiality (1) | Mediation Caucus (1) | Speak Up (1) | Concession (1) | Real Estate (1) | Self Compassion (1) | AcceptableOutcome (1) | Cohabitating (1) | Being Understood (1) | Emotional Readiness (1) | Financial Changes (1) | Being Heard (1) | Divorce Needs (1) | Collaboration (1) | Decision Makers (1) | Cohabitation Agreement (1) | High-Conflict Divorce (1) | Mediation Success (1) | Commitment (1) | Unmarried (1) | Emotional Trauma (1) | File A Petition (1) | Parent Coordinator (PC) (1) | Final Decisions (1) | Separation Process (1) | Contentment (1) | Regrets (1) | Happiness (1) | Mediation Break (1) | Successful Mediations (1) | Self Reflection (1) | Consulting (1) | Meditation (1) | Custody Determination (1) | Decision Making (1) | Separate Asset (1) | Marital Asset (1) | Realty Testing (1) | Fault Assessment (1) | Regret Avoidance (1) | Asset Division (1) | Parenting Agreement (1) | Cancer (1) | Divorce Terms (1) | Divorce Agreement Terms (1) | Postnup (1) | Default Provisions (1) | Support (1) | Hope (1) | Breast Cancer (1) | Ovarian Cancer (1) | Support Connection (1) | Primary Caretaker (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Child's Best Interests (1) | Compassion (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Transmutation (1) | Commingling (1) | Married Couples (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Nesting (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | College (1) | Contribution (1) | Parents (1) | Disclosure (1) | Moving On (1) | Unemployment (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Extremes (1) | Fall (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Intervention (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) | Married (1) | Affair (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Wife (1) | Husband (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Dreaming (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Therapy (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Conflicy (1) | Power (1) | Lies (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | New York State (1) | Self Determination (1) | Self-determination (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Relocation (1) | Specialist (1) | Mental Health (1) | Equity (1) | House (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Balance (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Halloween (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Control (1) | Equality (1) | School Year (1) | Living Apart (1) | Kids (1) | Summer (1) | Marriage (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Abundance (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Grandparents (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Living Together (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Advice (1) | Blame (1) | 2015 (1) | Year In Review (1) | Public Trust (1) | Little White Lies (1) | NYs Child Support Guidelines (CSSA) (1) | COVID19 (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | Career Change (1) | Returning To The Workforce (1) | Social Security Assets In Divorce (1) | Holiday Co-Parenting (1) | Court Order (1) | Understood (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Meditate (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Heard (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Apologizing (1) | Parenting Schedules (1) | Child Support Payment (1) | Non-Residential Parent (1) | A Neutral (1) | An Advocate (1) | 50/50 Parenting Plan (1) | Transition Day (1) | On-Duty Parent Responsibilities (1) | Children And Divorce (1) | Co-parenting (1) | 50/50 Parenting (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Caucus (1) | Agreement To Mediate (1) | Technical Difficulties (1) | Mediating Virtually (1) | Mediating Onine (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Separating (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | But (1) | Dishonest (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Refinance (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | Buyer (1) | Attitudes (1) | Significant Other (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | MediationSession (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | Perfection (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Spouses (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Seller (1) | Fiancé (1) | Financial Information (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Court Process (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Lawyer (1) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Time To Process (1) | Patience (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | ParentingTogether (1) |
Connect
Close Announcement

Online Mediation Available

I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.