914.946.0848  .  contact  .  map & directions  .  subscribe  . 

Why You Should Mediate Your Prenuptial Agreement

November 26, 2019  | 
Man signing marriage contract, closeup

{4 minutes to read}  You and your fiancé have discussed the terms that you would want in your prenuptial agreement. You seem to be in agreement, so you feel that there is nothing to mediate and don’t see the need for a mediator when you could just have your lawyer draft the agreement and your fiancé can have an attorney review it. So, why involve a third professional and incur an additional fee when nothing is really in dispute?

You May Not Have Addressed Everything

A prenuptial agreement (prenup) can be broad or limited, but in order to know that you have considered everything you may want to include, you need to know everything that could be addressed and how those situations would be handled under the law without your prenup.
 
Without a Mediator:
 
Your attorney would let you know you forgot to discuss “x” issue and then will include “x,” likely in a manner that benefits you. In reading the agreement drafted by your attorney, your fiancé could feel blind-sided because something was included that was not discussed, even if he or she agrees with “x.”
 
Even if you speak to your fiancé before “x” is inserted, you may innocently start off with “my attorney said...” which can be a little off-putting to the other person and places you in a positional framework, even if that is not your intention.
 
With a Mediator:
 
Your mediator will objectively raise all of the terms that could be provided for in a prenup, and you both will address your feelings and concerns about including those provisions — or not. This will include a discussion as to why something is important to the other, the understanding of which is vital to reaching an agreement. It also can lead to other viable options that neither of you considered. 
 

Drafting Misunderstandings

Your attorney’s job is to represent your interests only, so if there is some leeway when drafting the agreement to use language that is more favorable to you, that is the language that would be used. While you may not even be aware of that drafting choice, your fiance’s attorney would certainly recognize such a choice of language and point that out to your fiancé. While you can explain that you didn’t direct your attorney to do anything like that, it would be best to avoid that misunderstanding and those hurt feelings with a more impartial drafting.

Avoid Attorneys Dictating the Process

If there is no mediator and there are disagreements between you on terms, the only way those disagreements can be addressed would be through the attorneys. The attorneys will be sending letters or emails back and forth, or having discussions over the phone without the two of you being present, all of which will be billable. As important as client involvement is in a separation, it is even more important in the discussion of a prenup when you are preserving — rather than dissolving — your relationship.
 
An adversarial process can place a strain on your relationship needlessly. You will still have an attorney review the agreement you made in mediation, but the nature of that is much different than having the attorney negotiate terms on your behalf. 
 

A word to the wise — keep the misunderstandings and positions to a minimum and create your prenup with a mediator. 

Clare Piro Attorney and Mediator

Attorney & Mediator
500 Mamaroneck Avenue | Suite 320
Harrison, NY 10528
Tel: 914.946.0848

Email »

Comments
Search
Topics
Mediation (74) | Divorce (72) | Divorce Mediation (19) | Mediator (13) | Conflict (9) | Child Support (8) | Litigation (8) | Separation Agreement (7) | Clare A. Piro (6) | Collaborative Divorce (6) | Consultation (6) | Clare A. Piro Mediation (6) | Separation (5) | Communication (5) | Family (4) | Settlement (4) | Finances (4) | Parenting (4) | Attorney (4) | Children (4) | Expenses (3) | Mediation Myths (3) | Clare Piro (3) | Divorce Mediator (3) | Equitable Distribution (3) | Divorce Finances (3) | Divorce And Children (3) | Clients (3) | Child Support Standards Act (3) | Marital Assets (3) | Co-Parenting (3) | Marital Home (2) | Informed Decisions (2) | Truth (2) | Listening (2) | Custody (2) | Seperation (2) | Legislation (2) | Mediate (2) | Apology (2) | Marital Property (2) | College Expenses (2) | Moving Forward (2) | Agreement (2) | Separate Property (2) | Relationships (2) | Assets (2) | Parenting Plan (2) | Spouse (2) | Compromise (2) | Child Support Standards Act (CSSA) (2) | Mediation Benefits (2) | CSSA (2) | Unrequited Love (2) | Couples (2) | Mediation Versus Litigation (2) | Settlement Agreements (2) | Anger (2) | Bitterness (2) | Conflict During Mediation (2) | Calculating Support (2) | Step-Father (2) | Step-Children (2) | Step-Mother (2) | Post-Divorce Income (2) | Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) (2) | Fear Of Separation (1) | PostNup (1) | Lawyer (1) | Financial Information (1) | Family Law Software (1) | Mental Health Professional (1) | Equity Loan (1) | Interest Payments (1) | Buyer (1) | Refinance (1) | Frame Of Mind (1) | Marriage Counseling (1) | Patience (1) | Reluctant Spouse (1) | Telling Your Spouse (1) | Time To Process (1) | Post Nuptial (1) | Seller (1) | Cash Flow (1) | Dividing House Asset (1) | Holiday Preparations (1) | Work Stress (1) | Perfection (1) | Matrimonial Dispute (1) | LawyerDivorceMediation (1) | Anxiety (1) | Separation Agreements (1) | Lies (1) | Public Trust (1) | Little White Lies (1) | Dishonest (1) | Spouses (1) | MediationSession (1) | FamilyMediation (1) | Accepting Responsibility (1) | Taking Responsibility (1) | Ex-Spouse (1) | Budgets (1) | Emotional Attachment (1) | Remarriage After Divorce (1) | Family Enrichment (1) | AttorneyPresence (1) | Blended Families (1) | Significant Other (1) | Attitudes (1) | Divorce Assets (1) | Court Vs Mediation (1) | Global Pandemic (1) | COVID19 (1) | Maggie O’Connor (1) | Remain Healthy (1) | Lack Of Communication (1) | Court Order (1) | Matrimonial Cases (1) | Complicated Finances (1) | FinancialPortfolio (1) | Multiple Assets (1) | Custody Disputes (1) | Pandemic (1) | Unhappy Relationship (1) | Holiday Season (1) | Divorce Agreement (1) | Parental Holiday Sharing (1) | Cultural Holidays (1) | Religious Holidays (1) | Separating (1) | Guilt (1) | Heard (1) | Understood (1) | Couples Counseling (1) | Power Of Regret (1) | Mediation Misconceptions (1) | Social Distancing (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (1) | Prenup (1) | Marital Concerns (1) | Asset Distribution (1) | Attitudes Toward Prenups (1) | Emotions (1) | Personal Relationships (1) | Court Process (1) | Entitlement (1) | Negotiation (1) | Needs Vs Wants (1) | Collaborative Process (1) | Prenuptial Agreement (Prenup) (1) | Parenting Plans (1) | Property Distribution (1) | Meditate (1) | Coronavirus (1) | Maintaining Calm (1) | Equitable Distribution Statute (1) | Parenting Post-Divorce (1) | Fiancé (1) | Financial Professional (1) | But (1) | Apologizing (1) | Financial Documents (1) | Financial Situation (1) | Resolution (1) | Scarcity (1) | Marriage (1) | Finding Love After Divorce (1) | Summer (1) | Abundance (1) | Divorce Law (1) | Living Together (1) | Living Apart (1) | Baby Boomers (1) | Grandparents (1) | Kids (1) | Post-Divorce Dating (1) | Seperation Agreement (1) | Payments (1) | Unemployment (1) | Consulting Attorney (1) | Responsibility (1) | Extremes (1) | Fall (1) | School Year (1) | Power (1) | Acknowledgement (1) | Conflicy (1) | Effects On Family (1) | Older Dogs (1) | Equity (1) | Mental Health (1) | Control (1) | Balance (1) | Equality (1) | New York State (1) | Specialist (1) | Change (1) | Relocation (1) | Self-determination (1) | Self Determination (1) | House (1) | Mindfulness (1) | Budget (1) | Agreements (1) | Dogs (1) | Adopt Shelter Dogs (1) | New York (1) | Self-talk (1) | Year In Review (1) | 2015 (1) | Blame (1) | Advice (1) | Moving On (1) | Disclosure (1) | Divorce Coach (1) | Settle Agreement (1) | Settlement Term (1) | Joint Physical Custody (1) | Life Insurance (1) | Joint Account (1) | Financial Costs (1) | Permanent Agreement (1) | Tentative Agreements (1) | Accusations Of Delay (1) | Lack Of Trust (1) | Spousal Support (1) | Beneficiary (1) | Wife (1) | Bankruptcy (1) | Affair (1) | Married (1) | Husband (1) | Difficult Clients (1) | Therapy (1) | Dreaming (1) | Intervention (1) | Custodial Parent (1) | Temporary Agreement (1) | Installment Agreements (1) | Compassion (1) | Holiday Blues (1) | Hurricane Harvey (1) | Scared Of Divorce (1) | Fear Of Divorce (1) | Nesting (1) | College (1) | Parents (1) | Alone At The Holidays (1) | Contribution (1) | Holidays Post-Divorce (1) | Married Couples (1) | Halloween (1) | Divorce Papers (1) | Negative Communication (1) | Joint Decision Making (1) | Joint Legal Custody (1) | Retirement Account (1) | Maritial Assets (1) | Moving On After Divorce (1) | Commingling (1) | Transmutation (1) | Maritial Property (1) | Settlement Agreement (1) |
Connect

Online Mediation Available

In response to COVID-19 I am providing family and divorce mediation services online. Click to learn more.