October 14, 2014 - The definitions of anger and bitterness are similar: Anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Bitterness: anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment. They may be similar, but to me, they are worlds apart. I see anger as something that is of relatively short duration; a totally human and appropriate response to someone hurting you, or someone you love. Something happens, you get angry, you hopefully express that anger constr [...]

September 3, 2014 - It’s not unusual for couples to discuss and agree upon an outline for a parenting plan before they begin mediation. When this happens, the mediator’s job is to talk to them about the practical effects of their agreement. Overnights: Both parents may believe that overnights during the week for the non-custodial parent would be good for the children. Reality dictates that you discuss if the children can get to school on time and have all of the things needed f [...]

February 11, 2014 - One of the things that I emphasize with clients is that an important part of the mediation process is to make sure that the agreement is durable, meaning that the agreement will work as well for you in practice as it sounds in theory. Of course, you cannot anticipate each and every possible circumstance that might happen in the future, but we do try to address as many contingencies as possible. I will be addressing future modifications to support payments in another pos [...]

October 30, 2013 - Previously, I wrote about how a mediation can begin if one spouse isn’t quite as prepared to divorce as the other party. Now, I would like to address what happens when those feelings do not diminish as the mediation progresses. The practical effect in a mediation when one party is reluctant to divorce can be that the reluctant party expresses blame and fault against the other party continually or says things like “I didn’t want this, so why should I ha [...]

July 24, 2013 - One of the most fascinating aspects of mediation is how the process can transform someone who feels reticent or insecure in decision making. At the initial consultation, clients often say that they are concerned that within the process of mediation they may not “get a good deal” and question if they are able to mediate because they do not have the same financial expertise as the other party, or perhaps the other party is more educated or has more business sa [...]

May 20, 2013 - There are so many issues that a divorcing couple must face–how to tell the children, where will each live, whether or not they can afford to live separately–starting mediation can easily add to the apprehension. I believe, however, that beginning mediation can actually be a positive step toward gaining control of your changing circumstances. The two of you set the timetable, the agenda and, of course, the outcome. There are concrete issues that need to be a [...]

January 4, 2012 - Even though mediation is a process in which the parties themselves make an agreement that works best for them and their family, I have yet to meet clients who are not interested in or choose not to be informed as to what the law provides. As a mediator, I think it is important for clients to know what the law provides and what might happen if a court were to determine the outcome of their divorce because I feel it is impossible for them to waive a right without knowing [...]

July 6, 2011 - As a mediator, I do not insist that my clients use review or consulting attorneys as a matter of course. I feel that the self-determination of the clients in mediation is paramount and that this extends to the decision of whether or not he or she retains an attorney. However, I do recommend that clients seek the advice of an attorney at the very least before signing a Separation Agreement because I think that it is important for clients to get the kind of legal advice th [...]

February 15, 2011 - You may be aware that New York State adopted a statute in October regarding the calculation of temporary maintenance at the same time that the State enacted the no-fault ground for divorce. The statute provides a formula for calculating an award of temporary maintenance in the event that a litigant in a divorce action brings a motion seeking an award of support during the pendency of the action (temporary maintenance). So, what does this mean in mediation? That is up fo [...]

October 20, 2010 - Some people are afraid that if they do not hire a lawyer, they will not receive everything to which they are entitled or that they will end up with an unfair agreement. That need not be a concern. In addition to using an attorney to review your agreement at the end of the mediation, parties in mediation may see an attorney both before and during mediation, and in some cases it is beneficial for a party to come to mediation with an attorney. In my mediations, I always tel [...]

September 16, 2010 - If that were true, there would be no need to mediate. Of course people who disagree can mediate, just like people who are angry can mediate and people who don’t really like each other can mediate. All they have to do is agree to mediate, not agree upon every issue between them. Mediators do not expect their clients to talk quietly and never raise their voices, and a mediator truly has to feel comfortable being in the middle of people expressing anger and frustratio [...]

August 16, 2010 - If you and your spouse have decided that you need to separate, it would seem that the last thing you would want to do is to engage in a process that would be costly, inefficient and likely to increase the rancor between you. Yet, that is sadly what most couples unknowingly do if they believe that they have no option other than to litigate their divorce. Mediation is a more sane option that is likely to resolve the couple’s conflicts with an emphasis on reaching an [...]