August 4, 2015 - {3:48 minutes to read} This question is the subject of many a treatise, panel discussion, informal debate among mediators, and heartfelt soul-searching for an individual mediator confronted with the situation. If you’ve been mediating a while, undoubtedly this has come up for you. Or if you’re a client in a mediation, you may wonder just how strong is your right to determine the outcome. The scenario: A client knows the substantive law on the issue, underst [...]

July 21, 2015 - {3:36 minutes to read}   When I practiced family law in an adversarial setting, I always felt a little guilty when I said that I enjoyed it, given that I was working with people who were going through one of the worst times of their lives. But in contrast to the other parts of my practice (real estate and estate matters), family law was interesting, dynamic, and challenging. Presenting and opposing arguments was intellectually stimulating based upon the substantial [...]

July 8, 2015 - {3:24 minutes to read} Depending on your situation, resolving your parenting plan can be the simplest or most difficult part of your mediation. I have had clients who spoke about it in advance of the meeting, and but for a few minor points, had it all resolved. I’ve also had clients who spent several meetings to achieve a plan that they both could agree was the best for their family. Most of my clients, however, will spend one entire meeting on resol [...]

June 23, 2015 - {3:36 minutes to read} I have to say that some variation on that question is often asked of me by my mediation clients. Almost uniformly, the clients who ask that question are never my most difficult. I suspect they may feel they are being difficult because they may have: Had a protracted disagreement over an issue that didn’t get resolved by the end of the meeting; Voiced resentment or frustration with their spouse; or Raised their voices as part o [...]

May 26, 2015 - {3:42 minutes to read} Imagine that you’ve been living separately under your agreement for a few years and are co-parenting with your former spouse. Things are going better than you ever imagined, your children are happy, and then your former spouse informs you that she will be losing her job unless she accepts a transfer to Florida. Because that job results in a significant increase in salary, and because she then will be able to be close to where her parents and [...]

May 12, 2015 - {3:48 minutes to read}   We often use and hear the term “best interests of the children.” You would imagine that if applied consistently, the results would also be consistent, but that is not necessarily true. It all depends on the process used and who is making that determination. Litigation If you are in litigation, you might think it is the judge who makes the determination, presumably based upon applying case law to the facts before him or her. Ho [...]

March 17, 2015 - {3:30 minutes to read} . Do we choose our profession because of our basic personality, or does our profession cause us to form a certain personality trait? I've always had a “never say die” kind of attitude. I would always think that I could fix it or make it better, be it a relationship or a friend who was upset. I could fix just about anything that had gone awry. A basic problem solver. This attitude wasn't always to my advantage when it came to personal [...]

February 2, 2015 - Though mediation is a less contentious way to divorce, there are still some myths that keep people from taking advantage of the process. Here are 5 of the most common ones: 1.  Only people who agree on terms of settlement can mediate.   If that were true, there would be no need to mediate, and they could just enter into a settlement agreement. Of course, people who disagree can mediate, just like people who are angry can mediate and people who don’t re [...]

January 19, 2015 - [Time to Read: 3.9 mins]While it’s hard for most people going through a divorce to imagine dating again, it’s more likely than not that you will, and that you will be introducing this new person in your life to your children. Having been that new person who was introduced to two stepchildren, I’m happy to share what worked for us. First and foremost: Do Not introduce the person to your children unless you know it is a serious relationship, no matter h [...]

January 5, 2015 - [Time to Read: 4.1 mins] At the initial consultation, clients often express concern that within the process of mediation they may not “get a good deal.” They wonder if they will be able to mediate because they do not have the same financial expertise as the other party, or perhaps the other party is more educated or has more business savvy. Whether these feelings are real or perceived, they can be a barrier to the clients’ ability to feel comfortable w [...]

November 26, 2014 - As much as I try, it’s almost impossible to simply enjoy a holiday for itself. We are bombarded around the clock with holiday movies and television commercials showing elaborate and bountiful meals around a table full of happy family and friends.  All of the homes have decorations that could rival those found in major department stores. It’s hard not to expect that picture perfect holiday. If you’re going through a divorce and this is your first h [...]

October 1, 2014 - How does the Child Support Standards Act (“CSSA”) work in mediation? First, you will need to discuss whether or not you are going to apply or opt out of the CSSA. To do that, you need to know what the child support figure would be if the statute were applied. Your mediator can explain the computation based upon the combined income of you and your spouse. What income figure should be used? If one of you is unemployed or underemployed by choice, or the incom [...]